There is a lot of pressure on an engaged couple to choose a nice place to spend their honeymoon. I (Mr. Handsome) have been told that the groom usually makes the plans, presumably because the bride is busy with the all-consuming task of planning a wedding. Ellie really enjoys planning trips, so she offered to organize our honeymoon. I think she also secretly knew that if she left the task to me, our trip would likely end up in disarray. Either that or we would “accidentally” find ourselves on a five-day fishing excursion. Just kidding. Even I don’t enjoy fishing enough to put Ellie through that on her honeymoon.
So to give credit where credit is due, I must admit that my wife put together our romantic getaway to Grand Cayman. I wanted to be of some assistance, so I told her I would find accommodations for the night of the wedding.
Hoping to impress my wife of exactly six hours, I chose a sweet little bed and breakfast that was close enough to our wedding location that we wouldn’t have a terribly long drive, but far enough that we wouldn’t have to worry about pranksters. The website advertised it as a “quaint, historic home” with a “seven course breakfast.” Perfect, I thought.
By the time we arrived, it was about 11:00pm. If by “quaint, historic home” the owners meant “dilapidated haunted house,” they were right on the money. Perhaps the description was wishful thinking. The bed and breakfast was complete with turrets, eerie archways, and windows that looked like frowning eyes staring at you. The only light was a small lantern hanging above the entryway, so we warily climbed the stairs and knocked. An elderly lady opened the door, squinted, and informed us that the guest entrance was around back. We made our way through the dark and somehow managed to locate the door.
We were greeted by the same woman, who had found an apron and mustered up a smile since we had last seen her. She welcomed us and showed us to our room.
“Don’t forget, breakfast starts at 7:00am sharp,” she announced.
“Umm, this is our wedding night, and we are exhausted from a busy day,” I told her gently. “Do you think we could come down a little later?”
“Certainly,” she replied, “lets plan on 7:15.” It wasn’t the type of response that invited a counter offer.
Thankful for the generous extra 15 minutes, we commenced to inspecting our room. It turns out that all the rooms had themes. With a collection of very interesting rag dolls (all with beady little eyes) lining the dressers and walls, my guess is that the honeymoon suite was the “demon-possessed doll room.” And I’m not talking about those sweet Precious Moments figurines. I’m talking about the dolls in horror movies that come alive after dark.
We surprisingly survived the night without being attacked, only to be woken at 6:30am by the breakfast bell. We pulled ourselves out of bed, wiped the sleep out of our eyes, and made our way to breakfast. “I am sure that this seven-course breakfast will be worth the lack of sleep,” I told Ellie, trying to put a positive spin on the situation.
Well the first course of the seven-course breakfast was peas. I kid you not, it was literally green vegetables. The second course was Kix cereal. “Good to start the day off with a kick,” our host stated. The third course was Life cereal, so our day could be “full of life.” The fourth course was a banana, and it was pretty small at that.
The fifth course was toast that was somehow both burnt and soggy. The jelly was good, which helped. The sixth course was a glass of milk or orange juice, but not both, and the final course was a bowl of scrambled eggs. Or maybe I should say scrambled egg–there definitely was only one per person. In the end, our seven-course breakfast contained less food than the average Super 8 continental breakfast.
There was another couple staying there, and during breakfast we tried to make conversation. It’s a tad awkward meeting someone for the first time on the morning after your wedding and trying to strike up a conversation. Thankfully they didn’t ask us if we had slept well.
Later that day, we found ourselves at my parents’ house for lunch. (That’s a long story, but I assure you that it wasn’t in the plans.) It ended up being a meal full of laughs, as we swapped stories with my sister and her husband, who had apparently stayed at the same bed and breakfast the night of their wedding two years earlier. They remembered the peas and demon-possessed dolls very well.
About a month later, we read in the newspaper that the bed and breakfast was going out of business. Can’t imagine why. They ended up converting it into a Halloween haunted house, which has apparently been doing marvelously.
Lol, sounds like an interesting night. My husband and I didn’t do a honeymoon, but that was mostly because we had our 2 now three year old, and couldn’t leave him for to long. Plus my parents took our son for a couple days so we could have the house to ourselves.
Anyone who stays at a horrible place like that should have done their homework first. Never heard of TripAdvisor?
I’ve heard of Trip Advisor before.
My friends used Trip Advisor.
This is the best post I ever read on here! There needs to be more posts like this.
I agree! Hilarious! Love Mr. Handsome’s humor.
I agree. Perhaps Ellie’s husband needs to take over the blog.
I definitely prefer to hear both their voices, it keeps the blog balanced. Probably as well balanced as their marriage. I mean that as a compliment, from what I read on the blog Elly and mr. Handsome make a very good couple.
For real??? I hope the rest of your honeymoon was 100 times better. Thanks for sharing!
This is so funny! And honestly a memory you will always have. One of the days on our honeymoon, we went to Dollywood. My husband rode a ride and told me, it’s not that bad. So I went on and it and screamed the entire time lol. I have really bad motion sickness and I felt so sick after. I asked him, if was trying to kill me on our honeymoon. Ha.
Oh my! We haven’t been to Dollywood, but we drove by it this fall, and there are some pretty big rides.
Ellie
Lol lol, lol, lol, lol, lol…I lol all the way through that story! Thanks for sharing!
Is this for realz? It simply cannot be!
Yep, quite the adventure. LOL.
Ellie
You had me with my mouth open the entire story. Lol. But I can’t believe you spent your first night at a place like that! That was terrible for a BandB. We love B and B’s but have never came across anything like that. We’ve only had luxurious and romantic ones. Ones that didn’t sound a bell for breakfast that early in the morning and let you come on your own time. We probably would’ve skipped breakfast if it was that early! There wasn’t pics of the place he could’ve seen before reserving? Or better yet , why didn’t your sister warn mr H , knowing that could be a big possibility that you could go to the same place? Well, I guess it makes for a good hilarious story later! Made our first night in a mediocre hotel look luxurious and romantic compared to that! And I can’t imagine getting cozy with a roomful of dolls looking at ya…beady eyes…Oh my don’t tell me this was for real…Is Mr H just telling one of his yarns here or is this bonefied truth? Lol. Well Thanks for the good story Mr H. You sure know how to shock someone. Good thing Ellie was in control of the rest of the honeymoon. 👍🏻
Hi Candi,
Perhaps one day we will stay at a more luxurious B and B. That would be lovely. LOL. Thankfully, this place was clean and well kept, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I think the reason why my sister-in-law didn’t give us a heads up was because it was about an hour away from our wedding, so she might have thought the chances of us choosing the same one were slim. The rest of the honeymoon was MUCH more romantic, but like you said, at least we have a story to tell now.
Ellie
Oh man. I would have slept in the car before setting foot in a place like that! We are super cautious about where we stay when we travel. We even switched hotels on our last vacation because there was an AA meeting in the lobby of our original hotel.
A great story. One of the best blog posts I’ve ever read. Anyone can go on a lovely honeymoon, but not everyone can go on a remarkable honeymoon like this one. Other honeymoon memories will fade away, with only a few nice photos. But you will both remember every little detail to share forever. Thanks for sharing with us.