The next segment in the story of how we met has been uploaded to YouTube! If you need to catch up, click here to watch the first segment and here to watch the second segment. I would love to hear how you met your spouse/significant other…or any other fun story that this video makes you think of.
Please follow and like us:
How sweet of you to share your story! Very cute and nice!
Hope there are still going to be more little video stories telling about your first impressions and the story from your point of view Ellie!!
Sweet story, you two were made for each other. Was 19 1/2 yrs old, told my mother, "I'm going to be an old maid. Mom suggest that I join something like a bowling league. I looked in our newspaper, and found a bowling league to join. This nice guy on my team who was almost 2 yrs older ask me out. We got along great, and 2 years later we married. We waited 5 years to start a family. Can't hardly wait too read other stories……Jane
I hope you actually really like bowling too!
That was the first time I bowled. I thought, it can't be hard, you roll a little ball down the middle of a lane. and knock down pins. Actually I did okay and thought it was fun. Thanks……Jane
What a cute story, Jane! Thanks for sharing.
Ellie
I'm sorry, but this is sad. Ellie, you were an adult college student and a guy needed to call your Father and ask permission to go on a date?! And than to follow up and clear it with your dad if he could be your boyfriend? I'm shocked and a little sad. I seriously hope you reconsider this practice when you have your own children? What purpose does this serve other than to infantilize an adult women. I'm really curious to know how your parents felt about this practice? I think it completely and totally disrespects a women to engage in such things.
I agree. This is certainly not what I want for myself or my daughter's. However, Ellie and Mr. Handsome come from a different "culture" than us, so to speak, and I think we need to respect that. While we may not agree with this practice, it is not really harming anyone. Unlike many women in patriarchal cultures, Ellie is worldly, educated, and clearly not oppressed, so we should just respectfully agree to disagree.
I consider it the opposite of disrespectful to women. Asking someone's dad shows that you care about the girl's family and how they think and feel. It is a time when the parents can get to know this new person. It shows great respect for all parties involved. My daughter won't date anyone who we don't approve of, because she knows we see things she doesn't. Parents aren't caught up in all the emotions and can give their children good advice if they will listen.
A divorced lady once told me that she wished she had listened to her parents. They had warned her not to marry her ex-spouse. I have had many other divorced people tell me the same thing.
I disagree with your point of view. I think each couple is different, and starts their relationship differently, and Ellie, I think it's absolutely awesome that you two decided to do it that way!:) it's a great practice to pass on to children too! Blessings!:)
It's a parent's job to raise a child to be strong and independent both in actions and thoughts. Raising them without any room to think or act differently than you do turns Mothering into SMothering. You can only project your hopes and values onto them so far. Beyond that, it's up to the grown child to decide what they want to do and how they want to do it. It's their life.
I respectfully disagree that asking the father's permission is disrespectful to the woman. My husband asked my dad's permission before we began our relationship, and I in no way feel demeaned by that. I feel he was showing the utmost respect for me by talking with my dad first, because I wanted my parents involved in the process of choosing a life partner. It also showed respect for my dad, who had invested so much in raising me and wanted his daughter to marry a good man (Doesn't every parent want the best for their children?). Most people agree that it's good to seek counsel when making big life decisions, but somehow when it's your parents, who know you better than anyone else and want the best for you, it becomes frowned on. I want to emphasize that it was me who made the decision to pursue a relationship with my husband and it was me who said yes when he asked me to marry him. My parents didn't make these decisions for me; they just provided insight and guidance along the way. We've been married for almost 5 years and couldn't be happier.
Not meaning to disrespect your viewpoint at all, but I think many misunderstand the whole point of “asking the father.” Maybe in history they had to ask permission to date/court/marry the daughter because the daughter was viewed as secondary, or as property, but I think today with families such as Ellie’s it’s different. I would definitely want my future spouse to ask my parents for several reasons:
1. My parents have known me for longer than anybody, and of all people, they would know if we’re not going to be a great match, or of things probably wouldn’t work out. They have probably about 18 years that they've spent guiding and learning about us. Parents are often wiser than we give them credit for, and because they’ve been around longer, often have better judgment than those that are “blinded by love.”
2. It’s respect. No, as women, we’re not property. However, asking the parent if they can now be the main support person and the one to love them as their own body is honor and is acknowledging the love and many years the parents spent raising them. I believe if the woman asked the man to marry, it would be just as considerate for the woman to ask the man’s family if she could marry him- it just usually happens to be the man that asks the women.
3. I would want the input of my parents! Of course when a girl is old enough to marry she can make her own decisions. However, think of it this way. If I am blind, but have decided to take a stroll of the side of a cliff, I wouldn’t just want my parents to “trust my judgment,” and I certainly wouldn’t feel “infantilized” or "smothered" to have them save me from a serious mistake. Of course I’m old enough to make my own decisions, but being “old enough” to make my own decisions has nothing to do with the fact that if someone loves me enough, they’re going to tell me the truth, even if it hurts or isn’t what I wanted to hear. (Or what a boyfriend wants to hear)
Again, this isn’t meant to be rude or inconsiderate, but hopefully to help you “see the other side.”
Wow, this is a hot topic. Lol. It's more accurate to say that he asked for my dad's blessing, not his "permission." It wasn't my family they had the expectation that perspective boyfriends would talk to my dad, and it wasn't a hard and fast policy in my husband's family either, but so far, everyone has done it. (And Mr. Handsome's youngest brother who recently got married asked the girl's mom for her blessing because her dad is deceased.)
Mr. Handsome made a mature decision that he would show respect to my dad by seeking his blessing, and I'm very grateful for that, not because I wanted my dad to make the decision for me but because it showed him respect. If my dad had said no, the conversation would not have ended there. It's not a means to "infantize" a woman, but rather a sign of respect and a sign that the man wants to get to know the girl's family.
Hope this makes sense.
Ellie
Oh dear: "Mr. Handsome made a mature decision that he would show respect to my dad by seeking his blessing." Ellie, sorry, you're really not getting my point. You, as a college student were (hopefully) an independent, mature, adult free to make your own decisions. This has nothing to do with your Dad (also, where was your Mom in this discussion?), this was between your male friend and you. As for the comment from Anonymous: "My parents have known me for longer than anybody, and of all people, they would know if we’re not going to be a great match, or of (sic) things probably wouldn’t work out." I'm sorry, the person who knows you best is you. Grow up and embrace who you are to become and choose a partner accordingly. PS I'm happily married many years with three children, I feel I know what I'm talking about.
I am all for women being independent and self sufficient, but I think it's completely sweet and lovely that Mr. Handsome asked for her dad's blessing. It's very respectful – to both Ellie and her family. Love it!
Fun to hear the progression of your love story. I love that Mr Handsome talked to your Dad and made all the arrangements for you to be able to go with him to the game. You asked us to share our stories with you so here is mine. My husband and I were introduced by a friend at church. Since my husband and I were older. I was 35 and he was 42. Neither of us had much dating experience so we started getting to know each other by meeting for coffee and sitting together at church. Our first official date was around valentine's day. Before dinner he took me to meet his grandmother and his mom was there too. I thought it was very sweet that he wanted me to meet the other important women in his life. Then we had a romantic dinner at macaroni grill and then hot chocolates at starbucks. We have been a couple since that night.
I am glad he progressed with you, it would have been weird if you had, had to find out he was going with other Church gals to coffee and seen him at Church sitting next to them too. I guess good Church men are not playing the field too much.
What's so "weird" about seeing men with other women? Unless they have an understanding that they'll only date each other, or unless they're engaged/married, a girl can't dictate who the guy sits next to or dates. That would be acting too clingy and needy on the girl's part.
Going to church doesn't mean men won't "play the field." Some men might only go to meet women. And church-going men can and do cheat.
Lovely story, Shela! Thanks for sharing. And I love the macaroni grill.
Ellie
omg you two are so adorable! what a great sense of humor mr handsome has! (well you both do actually) love that he called up your dad first.
i was in my 1st class early on the 1st day of school (college). this guy comes in & smiles at me & sits at the seat caddy-corner to me in the next row. everytime i looked in his direction, he was looking at me! last class of that day, i'm sitting next to a friend of mine, telling him about this guy who kept smiling at me, which was creeping me out, and in he walks! i mention that this is the guy to my friend & he waves him over to sit next to him!!! seems they knew each other from street car racing! (figure the odds right, lol) and he kept smiling at me in that class too after we were introduced. anyway, after school i go home & tell my mom about "this guy who kept smiling at me". i mean, 2 classes together on the same day? how weird was that? my mom said "you're going to end up marrying him someday", which of course i laughed at. 11 months later we were married 🙂
Thank you! Love your story as well. Funny that you thought he was creepy..I'm sure I would have felt the same way about a random guy who kept looking at me. Lol.
Ellie
So you do adhere to the system that a father has to be asked before there's any socializing? Also wondering about the "official girlfriend" status and why that was important to label (and important to ask the father about first). Most people just go out on a second date and a third…and never declare any "official" status or "courting" status.
You've given us a glimpse of your lives here, but you didn't fully explain your principles behind going out vs. courting vs. anything else.
Would you have gone out with him had he not spoken to your father first? What about your mother? Do mothers have any say in the matter?
That arm around Ellie's shoulder must have been a real shock to her. I almost feel sorry for Ellie in that she was a completely virtuous sort of a girl and she would have had to do quite a bit of mental and emotional and physical processing at that very moment and kind of question what was all going on given she was there for a sleep over. Ellie you are going to have to share your perspective, this is very interesting. What were you thinking then?
We didn't have any hard and fast dating "labels." Before I met Mr. Handsome, I never had enough interest in any particular guy (although I had lots of male friends at school and youth group) enough to want to date him. It was the same for Mr. Handsome. When I entered college and met Mr. Handsome, he and I made decisions on boundaries, etc together.
Ellie
Why did you feel you needed agreed upon boundaries? Love usually doesn't have them…or need them.
The idea that love does not usually have or need boundaries is false not true. Is this a true or false test? Think about it, of course love has boundaries. Boundaries are what make life livable! That is the definition of boundaries….what is reasonable to live with? Boundaries are really everywhere. Making off hand reactive statements regardless of their accuracy is called shooting from the hip (lip):)!
Or now shooting from the hip can be finger tip texting!
I met my husband at college. I recognized him in a company news because he had received a customer service award. We worked for a retail company but at different locations. I was super shy but worked up a nerve to say something to him. He ended up tutoring me in one of the classes we had together. And then at the end of the semester asked me out. We will be married for 12 years this Sunday. 🙂
Very cute, Alayna. Happy anniversary! Do you have any children?
Ellie
Hi. Yes we have 4 girls. 🙂
Aww, that's wonderful! 🙂
Ellie
My story is pretty straightforward: High school sweethearts from the same hometown. Too young to even think about marriage then, but I dreamed (literally, had a dream one night) it would happen someday. Off to college and jobs, separately. Both dated other people. He contacted me again when he was home between job moves. We started dating again and were engaged within months. Married a year later. That was 40 years ago. We are the longest married couple from our high school graduating class. So glad my dream came true.
That's a great story! Congrats on a long, happy marriage!
Ellie
Sweet story! I appreciate that he respected you and your parents enough to get their approval. Clear communication is key in everything.
But what about Ellie's parents respecting her enough to trust that she could make her own decisions when it came to dating?
Well, yes, but isn't it the parents duty to protect their children? I approve of asking the father's permission before taking any major steps in a relationship.
If you know and trust (and respect) your daughter, there should be no need to meddle in her love life when she's in her 20's. Much as you might want to, you can't protect your children all your life. They are going to make mistakes and gain wisdom from them. That is part of living and learning. Best you can be is the safety net in case they fall hard or if they WANT your help and advice. Otherwise, let go and let them soar…or flop and get up and try again, smarter the next time.
I agree with you anon 6/06, I'm glad my parents trusted me enough to make my own decisions. It would have been very awkward if my husband had asked my dad if he could date me, especially since I was 36 when we got married. I hope by then we're old enough and mature enough to make our own decisions.
Thank you, Odie. Yes, clear communication is very important (in any relationship). Have a blessed day.
Ellie
Meddling means involving yourself in a situation without right or invitation. When your children care about your opinions and know that you are looking out for their best interest, it is not meddling. Mr. Handsome did not say he was required to call Ellie's dad. He wanted to show respect for him and call. Obviously, as adults people don't have to listen to or take their parents advice, but part of being a mature adult means that you know others can see things you don't.
I think it is a great thing when the trust goes both ways. I trusted my parents' advice, and they trusted my decisions.
Mr. H is so cute when he tells his story and its very sweet cant wait to hear more and your side of the story too. Love your blog keep it up and keep doing more Vlogs with your hubby its so cute.
I agree that I'd love to see more vlogs with you and Mr H!
Thanks, Tanya! Glad you enjoyed it. More to come. 🙂
Ellie
Thanks for sharing your story.
Joan,Marion and Marilyn
My pleasure!
Ellie
Aww! So cute! Oh, and before I forget, very smooth, Mr. Handsome, very smooth. I bet she couldn't even tell. 😉
I'll tell him you said that, Sarah. 🙂 I agree, he's very smooth! Lol
Ellie
Mr Handsome was honest, he sort of changed mode from being tutored by Ellie to becoming her suitor. At least he made it clear then what he was really doing.
It all turned out perfect for this happy couple, thanks for sharing! (Nobody else scooped up Ellie while she was still in tutor mode tee her!)
(Tee heee not tee her the auto changes get me every time!)
Does Ellie also like baseball games too?
I hadn't watched much baseball until I met my husband, but I do enjoy it now.
Ellie
I read several Mennonite blogs, and this is the way they court. I can't remember if you are Mennonite or not, but I think it is a nice way to do things.
That's very interesting. We're not Mennonite (although my husband has Mennonite heritage). Have a blessed day, Carole!
Ellie
I no longer comment as my comments are no longer published here or on digger blog . Eileen
Awe why?
This is a nice story BUT it does not just start here. For you to behave the way that you did in life you must have been influenced by your families. How is it that you knew what you were going to do romantically in life? Tell us about your up bringing that influenced how you came to behave as you did.
Hi Eileen,
I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope you will continue to comment, as I enjoy hearing from you. There must have been a technological glitch while you were commenting because I have not seen any from you on any of my blogs that I haven't posted.
Ellie
You'll interrupt each other a lot!! My husband and I don't stand for that. Wait until the other person is finished talking before interrupting; otherwise, you give the impression that what you have to say is more important than what he has to say!
Yes my man has also said I should not speak out of turn. But I am terrible at remembering this point.
More v logs about you two please!
More to come! 🙂
Ellie
It was cool to hear the rest of your story. 🙂
Thanks, Moon Sparkle.
Ellie
Thank you Ellie, another super cute installment!
I met my husband on a night out with mutual friends and at the end of the evening he lent across the table and kissed me, and we have been married for 24 years!!! There were a few other things that happened in between that kiss and our wedding lol. So a very different way of doing things from Ellie and Mr Handsome, but that's what makes life interesting, that we all have an inividual approach to life.
Bee x
That's a sweet story, Bee. It's always wonderful to see married people in love. 🙂
Ellie
My husband and I met over 25 years ago when we were in high school. He was dating my friend at the time and while they broke up we stayed good friends. After graduation we only spoke a couple times and then moved on in our lives. Fast forward 23 years and I kept coming back to the memory of him and how kind he was. After a little digging on the internet I found him and emailed him. Neither of us had married and we only lived about a 1/2 hour apart. Our friendship was re-kindled over a couple months of emailing each other. I think we both realized that our friendship could be deeper so we decided to meet up (talk about nerve-racking after 23 years!). But, obviously, one thing led to another and as of this coming Sunday we will have been married 1 year! He is the biggest blessing of my life and I am constantly amazed at how lucky I am to have found him again and to have all this happen.
Thank you Ellie for sharing your story with all of us reader!
Love it, Shelley! Thanks for sharing. How great that you reconnected after so many years. Shows that your marriage was meant to be. 🙂
Ellie
Thanks for sharing your story!😊 God bless y'all.