Written by Mr. Handsome
The start of a new year can mean many things: resolutions, goals, diet plans, fresh starts, and in this house, my yearly closet purge performed by my loving wife Ellie.
The regular readers of this blog will know that Ellie likes to be tidy and organized, so it should be no surprise that one of her favorite things to do is “de-clutter.” The term “de-clutter” is a very nice and pleasant way of describing the savagery that ensues during a closet purge. Nothing is safe.
One minute you may be a perfectly good sweater in good standing, hanging in the closet. Sure I haven’t worn you in five years. Sure you haven’t been in style for a good five years before that. But you have dutifully done your job hanging in the closet and looking quite respectable, only to be rewarded by finding yourself stuffed into a storage box labeled “sell/hand-me downs.”
Or if you have been deemed by the Ellie to be particularly despicable, you may find yourself crumpled into the garbage bag destined for Goodwill. But you should still count yourself lucky, because every year there will be a few unsuspecting articles destined to be tortured, torn apart, and placed in the rag pile.
The first sign of the impending purge is the arrival of new Christmas clothes, usually purchased on Black Friday. These clothes are typically stylish, well pressed, and undoubtedly chosen for me by Ellie. As Ellie is hanging up these new clothes and imagining her husband looking halfway presentable for a change, you may find her eyes drawn to a few of my, shall we say, “historic” pieces.
You may hear her remark, “Well the closet sure seems full these days.” I may say something like, “Well I am just thankful for what I have. I bet the folks in third-world countries would be thankful to have good clothes like this.” To which Ellie will reply, “Yes, I bet they would particularly enjoy this pair of sweatpants with 3 holes in them, four coffee stains, and some paint from back when you painted your parents’ house in the twelfth grade.” And thus the great purge begins.
I usually make some feeble attempts to support a particular article of clothing. I may say, “This neon green shirt would be great if I find myself stranded on a deserted island. The search helicopters could see me from a good ten miles away.” Or, “The holes in the seat of this old pair of jeans provide extra air conditioning.” Or one of my personal favorites, “Just because I haven’t worn this shirt in five years doesn’t mean I won’t find the perfect opportunity to wear it tomorrow.” To which Ellie says, “If you find the perfect opportunity to wear it tomorrow, we’ll keep it.”
At the end of the day, the purge works out pretty well because I end up with new clothes, Ellie gets a clean closet, and Goodwill gets a sizeable donation. Of course I always save a few classics from the purge out of the kindness of my heart and out of the spirit of Christmas.
i can relate! last january i watched marie kondo on netflix and that began my purge! she believes in only keeping things that ‘spark joy’. (that’s her catch phrase) so if mr handsome’s shirt or pants bring him joy, i say keep it! if you dont wear it, keep it somewhere else so you can have the clothes you do wear in the closet or dresser. by the time i finished the series, i kon-maried all my clothes and have been able to keep it up for a year now. its actually easier to fold things her way but admittedly, i’ll use what works for me with some things. clothes i want to keep but dont wear go in a special drawer, folded neatly, in case i do want to wear them. (and that is actually part 5 of the marie kondo method, sentimental) this could be a good solution for you two, ellie gets a nice looking closet and dresser and mr handsome gets his special clothes
i started helping a friend do her clothes. all her old tee shirts from all the way back to middle school that she’s saved from trips she took with her dad, she’s having her grandmother make a quilt out of them. there’s no way they fit so she cant wear them but doesnt want to ‘get rid’ of them because of the memories. ellie seems like a very creative person. maybe she can make mr handsome something like this? just a thought
I know you’re trying to be funny, but I cringed when I read that you send “particularly despicable” clothes to Goodwill. Some people depend on stores like that to clothe their family, and it’s all they can afford, if that. Apparently what you sent there didn’t qualify for the “sell/hand-me-downs” category, but was somewhere between that and “rag pile.”
How about putting more thought into what you send to Goodwill next time? How about sending clothes that someone might be thrilled to find there and delighted to wear? Something that won’t be 10 years outdated and embarrassing to be seen in, as you described. Something that kids won’t get teased for wearing to school. Your more thoughtful donations could lift someone’s spirits and save Goodwill from having to do their own huge “closet purge” and paying someone to haul it away.
“There but for the grace of God go I” is a very good thing to keep in mind.
I buy about 50% of my clothes from Goodwill. It’s a wonderful place with a great ministry. They will happily accept anything because the items that they don’t wish to sell they recycle and receive money for.
Have you ever looked into what really happens to clothing that places like Goodwill can’t use? It’s not the slam-dunk, cash for recycling, end of the chain, cleaner planet scenario you might think. A lot happens to those textiles, and it’s not all good. Some goes to the landfill. Some gets resold locally, which puts it into the second-hand clothing chain again and simply delays a decision about an eventual demise. Some goes overseas, causing shipping impacts and economic impacts to developing countries, who can’t operate factories and make clothing as cheaply as used goods from America. This means loss of potential jobs for developing countries.
Yes, Goodwill may make some money from recycling. Yes, that money might eventually be used for helpful programs. But there’s a darker side to textile recycling, and few people realize that their cast-off pair of jeans might eventually be sold in a market in Africa, after a long line of goods and money changing hands between unseen partners, and a long shipping journey.
Let’s face it – Americans over-buy clothing. We should be doing more to avoid packed closets in the first place. We should be supporting “Made in America” clothing whenever possible. We should learn to re-use our clothing ourselves, through alterations or repurposing (jeans turned into totes, shirts made into quilts, clothing turned into shopping bags, etc.). We can all be more responsible consumers and think twice before handing off any textiles.
It was a joke..no big deal. I buy a ton if clothes and household things from Goodwill. Like Ellie said, Goodwill and a lot of thrift stores are able to get money for the clothes they dispose if they were to not sell.
Also, you never know, sometimes the shirt we don’t like anymore and is no longer our style is someone else’s style!
I always can’t wait too hear from Mr. H, and this is a good story. But, Oh My, If I to touch my husband’s clothes, he probably would fire me,Lol. Happy Valentine’s to Mr. H and Ellie, and Little Buddy.
Love this post! So funny! Currently in the middle of my own closet and bedroom purge. It’s quite the task lol
I agree, Alexis. It’s a huge task!
I can relate. I’m in the middle of purging of not just clothing but other items that are taking up space. But there is this one beautiful dress I keep around hoping I lose enough weight to fit in it again. But I don’t think it will happen so I will need to pass it on to another lady.
Thank you Mr. H for your funny post. I have the energy now to purge my stuff now!😊
Aww, that’s not a fun feeling. I have a few items like that in my close, too. Loved wearing them before having a baby, but I just know that no matter how much I work out, I won’t be able to fit into them ever again.
Ellie
Another well written narrative by the dear Mr H. Ellie everyday must be a laugh for you, because you have this witty fellow to entertain you. And I’m sure he really appreciated you being his more serious minded dresser.
Goodwill gets mountains of stuff donated to them and their management people have drawn big salaries while their workers got minimum wage, if that. I’d rather support smaller thrift stores who do good locally for groups and causes that can get overlooked (homeless people, victims of domestic violence, veterans, rescue animals, etc.).
Some thrift stores use volunteers and the managers do still Gert their big bucks. Most managers are considered needed and get paid a healthy salary.
Meanwhile at least it sometimes is a paid job for the clerks but there are many that are all volunteer clerks.
I was about to start a job and they emailed me the contract to sign. I fretted and did not sign it. Now I’m unemployed and trying to escape poverty by buying and then reselling online. Speaking with my daughter about not taking the job, she said there is always going to be something wrong with everything. I think she summed it up. We can’t just focus on the negatives and seprate ourselves from the good. But if the issues do really involve sacrifices to maintain one’s integrity then that is good. I’m not saying everything is legal as long as you don’t get caught….
Any tips on purging the baby’s closet? I find that really challenging each piece of clothing has a story to tell of a particular outing or developmental stage and so I have been holding on to things.
That’s a good question. I’m keeping everything for future children, so I’m not at that stage yet. But I do get rid of the things that he doesn’t wear or play with. I figure that if this child doesn’t use it, the next one likely won’t either.
Ellie
this isnt ellie but i can give you a suggestion if you dont mind.
i sorted my kids clothes by sizes both in the drawers and hanging in the closet. at first i kept a small container for special outfits as they were outgrown but then so many outfits were special that i needed a bigger container/bin! then i had a bin for outgrown/outgrowing clothes. once all the clothes from that size section arent returned, you just move up the next size. plus, they’re already in a bin by size for the next one.
my kids were all born in different seasons so it was harder to pass down some clothes right away but i reused what i could for each of them and the rest, once there was no one to pass them on to, either went to a donation box, their memory boxes, or friends with kids or a kids consignment shop that would take the donations and give you a store credit.
my grandmother used to say, as a rule, for every one article of clothing that comes in, one needs to go out. (that does not include special outfits of course) it makes sure you really use what you have and you can see what isnt being used at the same time
Take a picture of the clothes before you get rid of them.
Frame some of the clothes in a shadow box.
Sew something useful with the outgrown clothes, or find someone who can. (A ring bearer pillow to use much later. A baby quilt for future grandchildren.)
Donate the clothes to a shelter.
Lots of things you can do with used baby clothes.
I really like the idea of saving some baby outfits for a quilt .
Or to save some for future kids but go through them first . Sometimes you have people that give you clothes and it’s way too much for your baby or toddler to wear . I am a saver as well . I have so many containers of kids clothes . My oldest is 10 and youngest son is 8. Even though I have pretty much all of there clothes since birth , I am finally getting rid of my youngest son’s outgrown clothes . I finally figured that If I do have one more they are going to be pretty outdated by the time they can fit them . Also my youngest is a girl. I have also saved 3 years worth of clothes for her as well.
But this time I went through clothes that were given to me and I tried not to save everything . I am moving to another state in a few weeks , and I still don’t think I am ready to give away all the clothes I have saved from my kids. I look at them and think of the memories of my kids and them wearing them . And I might one day have another one .
I also have a few things I have saved from before I had my last baby . It’s harder to take off the pounds after my 3rd baby .
I did a clothes purge not too long ago of clothes that do not fit me and they went to Goodwill.