As a mom of two boys, I am often asked if we are going to try for a girl. We do want more kids, but I can honestly say that I don’t have an opinion on whether or future child or children are boys or girls.
I am so grateful to have had two boys in a row, especially since there is a three-year age gap (many of you know that I suffered two miscarriages in 2020). I think a three-year gap would have been hard if we had had a boy and then a girl, but I am hopeful that my boys will be best buds. My husband has a brother who is five years younger, and they did a lot together growing up and are now even closer as adults.
I’m not pregnant, but when we do decide to have another baby, I would be thrilled to have another son, or two. More brothers would only make the bond between our boys stronger. And I would be equally as thrilled to have a daughter, or more than one. It would be very sweet to see my sons interact with a younger sister, or sisters. Whether we have all boys here on Earth or end up having a mix, we have two babies waiting for us in heaven, and we know for sure that one of them is a girl, so we already have a daughter who will be with us for eternity.
I can truly say that I am grateful that it’s not up to me to decide the combination of sons and daughters that we end up with. I can rely on God’s sovereignty to create the family that He knows is best for us.
I have 3 girls and 2 boys, and there is a 6 yr gap between the oldest then boom boom boom. That age gap made no difference at all, and as adults, they are still close.
I’m glad to hear that! What is the age gap between the oldest and youngest? Do you have any secrets or tips for helping your kids foster close sibling relationships?
There’s a 9 yr age gap between the oldest and youngest, which are twins. Prayer, of course. Teaching them there is a God. Their father was brought up in a military home, and he also served, so he made sure that they were taught to respect me and others. Manners, esp in public. We taught them to keep their hands off things in stores, but one was very stubborn. And saying please, thank you, and maam or sir. Teaching them to be honest. If one child wronged the other, we talked about the situation and had the child ask for forgiveness from the other. We tried our best to treat them all the same. They weren’t allowed to pit one parent against the other. They learned that there was consequences for bad behavior, and the punishment fit the crime. Explaining why something was wrong. Lots and lots of love, and I still tell them I’m proud of them just for being my children. We did divorce when my oldest was 18, and SHE made the decision to quit college to help me with her siblings. And as the other 2 girls got old enough to work, they helped. The girls didn’t want the boys to have to work until they graduated, but one did in his sr yr. They all had chores. In fact the boys, they were 9 or 10, used to say yes maam to their oldest sister. Honestly, I couldn’t have done it without prayer, and the fact that their father instilled that respect in them. He wasn’t harsh with them, but they weren’t allowed to get away with anything. No MEANT no. And begging and temper tantrums didn’t work. As teenagers, some of them had their moments, but they came through. We had to sink or swim after the divorce, so we just pulled together. There was a lot of sacrifices made for each other. I had the support of my parents, esp Moma. She was a rock for them. All I can say is I was blessed, and that respect their father taught them . So grateful for that. As teenagers, they had pretty good friends, but one did fall in with a crowd I wasn’t too happy about, but I kept her constantly in prayer and didn’t criticize those friends. My children weren’t and aren’t perfect, and sometimes I would just know something they were about to do but wouldn’t say anything cause I knew they had to learn from their mistakes. Their friends, even the questionable ones, were always welcome to come over, and boy did they, but not to spend the night. I was just blessed because I definitely made a lot of mistakes, and I would ask them to forgive me, even when they were little, and the fact they were so close together in age. In fact, 2 of my girls had a twin language. So did my twin boys, but not like those girls did. Sorry, this was so long.
Thank you for sharing all that! It’s really helpful and interesting. Sounds like you have a lovely family.
Thanks.
I have 1 girl and 7 boys in a row. People always seem disappointed when we have another boy, (It doesn’t really matter what other people think.) but I love having lots of boys. God has blessed us so much. I think my home would be way different with all girls. My kids ages 12, 11, 9, 7, 5, 4, 2, 2 months old.
We have five girls and so many people asked if we were going to try for a boy or if we were trying to . No God gave us five girls and we are blessed.
My brother and I were four years apart and we grew up and got really close. Sadly he passed away in 2018 but I have really good memories.
So sweet! What are the age gaps between your girls?
My oldest two are 15 months apart. Then just over two years between my second and third, then 2 years and 4 months between my third and fourth. Then my last one was a surprise so the gap is just over 4,5 years.
I’m still some time away from having babies, but I don’t necessarily agree with trying for a baby just in the hopes it’s a specific gender. There’s an equal chance that it’s not lol.
And I agree about the boy bond and age gaps. Not saying brothers and sisters aren’t close, but 90% of the time, siblings tend to be closer with the same gender. I don’t think I could handle back to back pregnancies and would prefer a longer gap than most people, I know a lot of people space together so siblings can grow up together.
Like you said with Mr. Handsome and your BIL, they can still have a bond and grow closer with age. Even many siblings very close in age tend to squabble and become closer with age.
Please only answer/publish if you feel okay answering this. Did having your two boys and the two losses in between change your original plan for children?
I’ve been following since you got married and started your separate blog, and remember you saying you wanted 5-10 babies.
Thank you for being a loyal reader. 🙂 When we first got married, and in the 3.5 years before having kids, we thought about having more. My difficult pregnancies changed that some. An especially difficult first trimester and then constant nausea that lasted until delivery. And then some health issues that started in pregnancy and will potentially get worse with each pregnancy, some that will likely last for life. (I would still love to have 5-10 if my pregnancies were smooth and didn’t cause any health issues.) Then the 2 miscarriages in a row made us aware that we might have larger gaps between future children if I have more miscarriages, and also my body might not be able to handle having many more kids. We would really love to have 4 total, even if it takes a while, but I would be surprised if I am able to have more than 4.
Why would a three year age gap be harder with a girl? I mean, once they go to school they’ll get their own friends anyway.
We plan to homeschool, but even growing up in public school, my friends with a sibling the same gender always seemed closer to that sibling. It’s definitely not that way 100% of the time, but my guess is that it is more common.
Ellie! I had a neighbor who homeschooling their kids tell 5th grade then put them in public school the kids like going o public school better they got to interact with friend. got to go to Their will not get a diploma from high-school it will get mail to them
Do people think about what their comments say to the kids you already have? Seems like a lot of people should think before they speak or just not say anything.
The eldest can’t even read yet, nor will he understand it for at least ten years to come and even then he might not feel the slightest bit hurt. Don’t be sanctimonious.
Ellie, I remember a few years ago you said you want 3 or 4 children. I have followed your blog forever. I will be 70 this July. I pray I can see what your next 2 babies are and will see some of my grandchildren marry and have babies!! Jane
Thank you, Jane! And thank you for being a long-time reader. How many grandchildren do you have?
I have 3 grandchildren.
I suffered two miscarriages and I know one is a son. God blessed my husband and I three daughters who are now adults. I often what what it would have been like to have a son but I’m so content with three daughters.
My first and only son will soon be 3. My husband and I get questions often on when our child will get a sibling. My husband and I are both over 40. I’ll be 43 in the fall. We talk about trying for another soon but we both have mixed feelings.
We know there are risks having healthy babies later in life. It would also be a financial strain for us to add another. It would be an almost 4 year age gap if we do have another. I worry that if we do have another, they will not be close as adults. There is always the possibility of that. There is no guarantee as they get older that they will remain close or even friends. That is on our minds as well. It’s a lot to think about!
Just mentioning this as you are not alone in the many thoughts and concerns that you may have when wanting to possibly have more children.
You’re right, there is a lot to think about when considering adding another baby. I bet you’re having a lot of fun with your son (and are very busy, lol). They grow and learn so much in the first few years, and it’s so much fun to watch.
My gosh, who asks a couple when their child will get a sibling? What a nosy, none-of-your-business question. I think my response would be, “Why in heaven’s name would you want to know something like that?”
Why “try” for a specific gender? We all know exactly what determines that, and it’s more chemistry and biology than being “blessed” by anything in a religious belief. “Trying” for a gender begins to sound like what used to be done in China. Just let natural selection happen and see what happens, then be happy you have a baby.
I new someone who. had a miscarriage in 2003. Have a boy in 2004. And another miscarriage in 2005, then in 2006 had a girl.. They stop haven’t kids she only have 2.
Her doctor said if she tries for more she will have another miscarriage
I have three sons and I am absolutely certain that I won’t have any more children, which means I won’t have a daughter. I think this is very sad as adult women are so much BETTER than adult men… 😉
I am sure, however, that it’s the right decision. And my boys are super lovely. There is nothing like all your sons piling on top of you for a snuggle!
I have two children, a boy and a girl who are 7 and 10. They are best friends, and I think one thing that helped is that we don’t put a big emphasis on gender or treat them differently because of their gender. They do everything together, enjoy the same activities and read the same books. We had originally planned to have 3 children, but one of the reasons we decided to stop at 2 was because our two had such a great relationship, I was worried that a third child would either upset their dynamic or feel left out!
We have 5 kids and We got asked recently at lunch if all the kids at the table were ours .
I also have got asked a few times if we will have more . I really don’t know that answer yet . There is a 12 year age gap ( almost 13 ) between my 1st and youngest . Between my twins and the next youngest is 5 years . I had a miscarriage after my 3rd and it was definitely harder than I imagined it to be . Mine are 4 boys and 1 girl . My one girl plays with her older brothers and now younger brothers .
I saw you made a comment about your health and more pregnancies making it worse , how are you doing now ? And how are your boys doing ?
Sounds like a sweet family! Is your daughter naturally more of a tomboy because she has 4 brothers? My health has been good recently. I’ve gotten a handle on it. Thank you for asking 🙂 The boys are doing great. Both are really active, but they are enjoying the stage of being able to play together. What are your best tips for raising multiple boys?
LOL U SHOULD USE A PUNNETT SQUARES!!!!!!! I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!!