For as long as I have been blogging, I have had countless readers ask me how I deal with the many negative comments that I receive, so I thought I would answer the question via video (posted below). I have learned not to take negative comments that are directed at me and my family personally and to allow them to go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes, they even make us laugh. (We recently came across a forum online where about 20 folks were “bashing” us and the lifestyle we have chosen to live, and we both laughed harder than we had in a while.) Check out this video, and then let me know in the comments section how you deal with negativity in your life, whether it is directed at you or others.
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Sorry that you have to receive all the negativity. I try to not let it bother me. I figure this person must be a miserable soul who finds no joy in anything. God Bless you and your lovely family.
Marilyn
Hi- I was unsure if you were addressing negative comments made about the Duggars. I always feel sad when I read the negativity on the Duggar blog. As for Nashville Wife, I cannot imagine anything negative someone could say for that blog towards you.
Hi Melanie,
I know, it doesn’t seem like my blog is controversial enough to warrant incredibly negative comments, does it? But I receive plenty that have to be deleted. As far as my other two blogs, I receive comments on there directed at the Duggars, myself, my readers, etc. As long as the comments aren’t too bad, I try to allow them so that other people can respond with encouragement, but there are plenty that I am not able to allow.
Ellie
In the past when posting comments to blogs I always used my name, until I found a forum called free jinger dot com. I realized the folks on there were talking/bashing ME! for my comments. They were able to even search and find my own blog!
SO you can only imagine what they are saying about people who are actually big in the blogging world!
I’m not trying to get followers or make money, only be helpful to folks, so I do not allow any negativity on my blog comments.
Hi Ellie,
This topic is of interest to me, as I read your blog occasionally, and I do read the Duggar and Bates’s blogs a lot! Now I do note a profound difference in the comments that are posted to your blog versus the comments that are posted on the Duggar and Bates’s blogs. There is still a ton of derogatory or insulting comments that come through on those two blogs, but not on yours, and I understand that you are the one filtering them… So this makes me confused and somewhat frustrated. Why is your blog so clean but when it’s someone else’s blog you don’t seem to care? The limelight is still on you, as you are supposed to be monitoring them so that actually gives us mixed views of what you are actually like, as the Duggar and Bates blogs clearly state that nothing derogatory, insulting, or down that line will be posted but it very frequently still is posted! It appears like you are not true to your word… 🙁
Unfortunately, the level of negativity can be very extreme on my other two blogs. I receive lots of very terrible comments on there that I don’t allow to go through. Deciding which ones to allow is a very difficult task. I do want to allow all viewpoints, as long as the comments are respectful. And when I see slightly negative comments from people who are very clearly hurting inside, I will allow them, as long as they are not derogatory or inappropriate, so that other readers can come alongside them and encourage them. I love it when my readers post something positive and uplifting in response to a reader who seem to be having a difficult time. Moderating comments is very challenging.
Ellie
Ellie, I think you do a great job moderating your comments! I would not be up to the task. I think it takes strength of mind, character and heart to read through every unfiltered thing that people say and not “take it home with you.” I also admire how you try to allow people to express their points of view even when they are not totally tactful or complimentary. I have been made aware of all sorts of opinions that I really never new existed or never assumed would have because you do that. Ultimately, I think your humility, courage and christ centered heart shine through all your blogs because of the way you keep them. Keep up the good work!
Ellie, where do you draw the line between comments you allow and those you delete? There are a few on the Bates Family Blog that have been allowed and then deleted. There was one about Tori that was ridiculously invasive and another about Whitney that was particularly disheartening. It must be difficult determining what to allow posted and whether it will lead to a nuanced discussion.
I don’t think you’re hypocritical in what you allow on your other blogs verse this blog. I’ve seen critical and personal comments on here that have mirrored those on the Duggar blog. Unfortunately, any level of public attention will lead to criticism.
Hi Ellie,
There is no video to click on to watch.
Thank you.
Hi Elizabeth,
It should be there. Do you have an ad blocker by any chance? For some people, the videos don’t play if they have an ad blocker turned on.
Ellie
Hi Ellie,
That worked to turn off the ad blocker on this site to play the
videos. Thank you.
I think it’s easier to deal with negative comments when you get older, you care less what others think. Run your own race, stay away from the negativity
Thank you Ellie for sharing how you handle negative comments. It can be really discouraging to read a bunch of negative comments on a blog because for me personally , it makes a blog less enjoyable to read.
I tried for about a year to allow anonymous commenters but then some hateful comments started to come from people who wanted to continue on my blog an argument that started on another blog. After that I shut that option down. My blog is moderated so I don’t allow comments that attack my readers or my Christian faith. I try to allow only comments that will be an encouragement to my readers or myself. And also I don’t want to stoop to their level. That was one of the main reasons I had to temporarily step away from the Duggar blog.
As far as dealing with negative people in my daily life that’s a little tricky depending upon who it is.
I usually avoid them because such people can be emotionally and spiritually draining. I try to get them to come up with a solution to whatever is causing the negativity or I will offer suggestions to how they can solve the problem. Sometimes you have to follow the Biblical solution and speak the truth in love( I’m blanking on the scripture reference) even though they may not like it.
Regina, I agree with you about people draining others. I work with 2 toxic co-workers, and it’s been very difficult for a while, but I truly believe they are going to be transferred out. From my observations, adults can behave worse than children.
Anonymous march 23 at 10: 14pm, yes I can relate. Wanted to share something, it is so simple but true what my mom told me in the past, there are some people who just never grow up no matter their age! I hope it gets easier at your work because toxic people suck the life out of others.
But you are negative towards others too….do you think people like that?
How is Ellie negative towards other people?
How is Ellie negative towards others?
What are you referring to?
Simply this. Though Ellie puts it nicely, she is dismissive towards other religions and lifestyles, blieving some of those lifestyles are sinful, while not taking into equation who the person living that lifestyle really is. She is very polite, but also negative.
So everyone just has to accept all lifestyles? Ellie is a Christian and as one does believe that some lifestyles are wrong. There’s nothing bad about that, you can disagree with someone’s lifestyle and think that it is sinful but at the same time respect them as a human being. I have never seen Ellie say anything hateful to anyone in any of her blog posts. Just because she doesn’t share the same beliefs as you does not mean that she is wrong.
Yeah I totally agree, everyone has their own path and surely they don’t agree with everyone in the world, nobody does really but that’s life.
We are never going to move forward in the world if we are constantly discouraging others. It’s about respect, and Ellie definitely shows a lot of respect here, I have never heard her bash others in any situation.
To begin with we need to accept ourselves and what path we want to take in life and then focus on that and when other people enter your life, acceptance and respect is key. I’m a Christian and yet I know many I work alongside or went to school who where from different religions, upbringings and yes there is some things I don’t agree with but that doesn’t stop us being friends and working well together or playing together in sport at school etc.
I have my beliefs, they have their’s and I am still friends with many of them since I left school in 2016. I’ve meet more people in my life and I honestly don’t care who they are, where they are from, what they have or do – I connect with someone on an equal level – similar interests, passions or just general nice souls, I don’t under any circumstances judge them or hate because of who they are. I respect others no matter the circumstances. If you are a good person, I will respect you regardless. I certainly don’t if someone is a bully or hateful again regardless of their background, even they were a Christian like me.
My point being is Ellie has never bashed anyone here, like me she was raised with respect and understand others values and is never hateful.
Lots of Love Ellie 🙂
i am from England .there is all ways going too be peoples views/
judgements who are very Snotty Nosed ,like say i am disabled
have m.e .long list health issues .some things people have said
A DISGRACE . i am a person ,i take part in a lot lot research
Your video was super helpful for me, Ellie! Thank you!
Ellie, one thing I did recently was I joined my friend in giving up something for Lent. Neither one of us are Catholic but we both and several other of her blog readers want to take this time to draw closer to the Lord. So for me, I’m giving up “putting people in their place” when they leave especially rude comments on your blogs. It’s been a challenge but I keep focusing on the book of James in most of chapter 3 where he talks about taming the tongue. The men’s Bible study at our church are studying the book of James.
It has been a good reminder to not have a sharp tongue and I plan to continue my challenge after Lent is over. That does not mean I won’t fail at times because I will but I think because of this “fast” if you will, I think I will be much better at watching what I say.
Thanks for sharing that, Regina. Most people seem to give up a food for Lent, so it’s interesting to hear from someone who is giving up something different. James is such a great book, and I love what it says about taming the tongue. I agree that it’s not easy, though! 🙂
Ellie
Hello Ellie,
What struck me most about your video was that a home should be a haven. I love that. All homes should be that way.
I talk about opinions with my husband, too. It’s so important to hear others opinions as it does give other viewpoints.
I am bothered by the term debate. Growing up it was great to have debates in school. Now the word debate is the equivalent of arguing (without facts) and name calling.
I’m very selective about anything I read on my computer.
I do appreciate reading your blog and I do peruse the comments because they are for the most part kind. I give you lots of credit for having a blog because it opens one up for all kinds of comments.
I am going to try harder to remember that people who say, write, and do negative things are probably hurting in some way.
Thank you for all that you share.
I will have to admit that I don’t agree with your religious beliefs but we have similar lifestyles. I am a frugal, DIY, ingredient conscious stay at home mom with a little one as well. I haven’t ever made a negative comment and am shocked when others do. I read your blog because I am interested in your ideas. I think that because people are anonymously commenting, they think they can attack every blog post. We should all learn to accept each other’s differences and not say anything if it is negative. Keep up the good work and keep the focus on your family!
Thank you for commenting, Lily. I really appreciate your perspective, and I’m grateful to have you as a reader. Have a great evening!
Ellie
This was a very interesting vlog. I appreciated hearing your viewpoint. I feel you are quite correct that people are hurting who lash out. Sometimes though it is difficult to have empathy. When I myself was dealing with several difficult events and stressors I was less able to put aside the negative comments and move on. The negativity affected me when I was already weakened. As you know, I have taken a long break from your blogs because of that. When I started looking at them again, I did not read the comments. Now I only look at them once in awhile.
I am glad you have good support from Mr H and many positives, and a full life outside of the blogs. That is the way it should be and keeps your life fully balanced and the blogs’ commenters in perspective.
I agree a home is your haven.
On a different note, it looks like you have moved to a very lovely new home. It was fun to hear Buddy in his chair right there beside you. Happy Sunday everyone.
Thanks, Eileen!
Your video was interesting and I learned a few things from it. I try not to let negative things bother me. But I do feel that certain negativity is helpful. I do like to read different views on your blogs. Have a good week!!! Jane
I came here to ask the same question a few others have been asking. Good perspective about how you deal with the negativity. I can’t think of anyone who’s been bashed on this blog, but maybe because only you see them? On the Duggar and Bates blogs, there is, and I probably don’t need to go into which ones.
Well, there may be more you will have to deal with, and decide whether or not to blog about, like when “little Buddy” gets old enough for the question of discipline comes up. And for sibling rivalry, should God bless you with more.
I don’t deal with as much negativity as I used to, but this video has helped me keep those memories where they should be. To be thankful that I am no longer in those circumstances and that the people then are not in my life anymore. So, thanks.
In my opinion, if people don’t want negative comments about their family then they shouldn’t have blogs. If you’re not blogging about everything for the whole world to see, then that won’t be a problem .
There is a difference between negative and hateful comments. Hateful comments should not be posted.
Hi Ellie! What do you mean when you talk about negativity? Because I don’t see much on your blogs, I just see disagreement on opinions and lifestyle.
It’s good to have different opinions in the society, because this way we can enrich each other and offer each other different perspectives. It’s always spooky when people agree on everything, it sounds like they’re on some kind of dictatorship (maybe a dictatorship of ideas).
I appreciate that you publish disagreeing (but polite) comments.
Also, I’d like to add that the Duggars for example have a very extreme lifestyle and beliefs. You may agree with them, but you have to admit that they’re very extreme. This is bound to attract disagreement, because when you’re extreme you have less common ground with people. 🙂
Also, after everything that happened in 2015, of course they’re even more controversial. I’m not discussing whether I agree with them or not, I’m just saying that you can’t deny they have a very polarizing position in society.
Hi again Ellie, I hope you won’t mind a 3rd comment from me. It is about the comments stating that you are dismissive of others and other religions. I have found you to be very impartial and careful to represent and post different points of view from others. Especially on your other blogs where more dissenting views are found. I have found you to be a very respectful caring blogger who follows her journalism degree by showing opposing sides and allowing for discussions and you do not include your personal views where they are not applicable. I am not a Conservative Christian yet I have many beliefs in common with you , the Duggar, the Bates. I try to look for the commonality among all peoples whether it is reading a blog or in my real life. I hope to learn from others and I see you to do. I really appreciated hearing how you handle negatives and it gave me a great deal of food for thought. Thanks! Eileen
Thank you, Eileen. That’s my goal, so I’m very glad to hear that you have noticed!
Hi Ellie
You’re an amazing person and very inspiration. Stuff all the haters, what do they know, they’re just trying to find anything to pick out. I think we all have problems with these kinds of people in life, which is sad = they clearly need help. They need to focus on themselves instead of putting everyone else around down to make themselves feel better which as I said is a sad way to live life but that is there fault, not yours or ours.
You are so correct, just in one ear and out the other and I definitely believe do what you want to do with passion and happiness as it is your life after all and who are they to tell you. I believe if you do good for yourself, others and work in being a better person in general especially this time of year (Easter), good things and people will come to you in life, with God’s help/plan. Karma is a good way to relate personally, – what you put into the universe – will come back you in the end, good or bad.
There are some many fake people and celebrities out there are that creating a really bad impact in many kids lives especially, all the haters can go trouble them as it’s ruining society and how we can live life to the fullest without feeling pressure from others.
Your content is so wholesome, motivating and very useful for any age and it’s great, there needs to be more people like you out there, you’re amazing keep it up.
God bless you, Mr H and little Buddy 🙂
Ellie, you are such a strong woman and an amazing blogger! I am impressed over and over by the quality and neutrality of what you do. We appreciate you!!!
Thank you, Kay. That is very kind of you. 🙂 I’m glad to have you as a reader!
Just curious if you, Ellie, watch Terri Savelle Foy?
She has a website and a YouTube channel.
I just started watching her videos. That’s a real blessing. There are lots of them covering many topics. Maybe you know, but if you don’t then I suggest you check out her YouTube channel especially. She is always saying from the Bible, without a vision people perish, and she tells people to keep their dream before their eyes. So accordingly I think your blog is a great example of the career and getting married stages of life and its helpful to people to have such ideas even though you get some snark comments. Thanks for all you do.
I have heard of her but haven’t watched any of her videos. Thanks for the suggestion! Glad to have you as a reader.
Ellie
I always talk ( way, way too much and I start talking too quickly. The Word from God, the Bible, tells us to be the opposite. It says be quick to listen and slow to speak, etc. So I need to repent. I was trying to suck on a candy to remind myself about this. That’s a lot of candy! So now I saw on the internet something about the tongue should be uplifted and rested in the roof of the mouth (and to regularly clean these areas with a tooth brush). This comment my seem weird, yet I think this is my answer. It is a conscientious physical thing to do, with meaning, to counter act the wrong action. No one knows if a person is pressing their tongue into the roof of their mouth. Quite a seal can be made. It is kind of comforting. It represents “restraint” and I think breaking the seal to talk would be more of a certain, deliberate, reluctant, choice.
The thing is that this is a comment in your blog, about my stopping loose talking to obey God’s word, where the problem here is negative comments. I can’t imagine people saying all their comments out loud and in person. Being on a device shooting out poison texts anonymously, is venting negativity and meaness supposedly without consequences to the writer. But maybe there is going to be a ‘devine court hearing’ and a day of reckoning for bad behavior. So your blog can help point these errors out and help people clean up their negative habits and bad behavior. Thanks!