Happy Friday! As Little Buddy approaches his five-month milestone, we want to hear your thoughts on sleep training. Since he was born, our routine has always been to wrap him up in his soft blanket, turn on a TV show, and let him fall asleep all cuddled up to us. (Mr. Handsome is usually the one to put him to sleep, while I get things done or relax.) Then once he is fully out, we swaddle him and put him to bed.
Some nights it’s very smooth and quick, other nights he fusses and fights it. When he was really little, we had to walk him around the living room for what felt like an eternity, and we are grateful that he doesn’t usually require that anymore. Little Buddy sleeps through the night most of the time now (usually wakes up between 5:00 and 7:00am), and to say that we are thrilled is an understatement. When he does wake up in the middle of the night, I am able to wrap him in his blanket and rock him back to sleep. On days when he wakes up early in the morning, he usually wants to go down for a nap almost right away. Our son definitely likes his sleep!
We are constantly being told to “watch out” because our next child is likely going to be a terrible sleeper. We have joked about it, but for now, we are just feeling very grateful.
I will say, though, that what Little Buddy lacks in overnight fussiness, he makes up for in daytime fussiness…
From the time he was a few weeks old (after the “baby honeymoon” phase passed, when he would just sleep all the time), he has been pretty fussy on most days. Not unhappy, but just especially particular about frequent diaper changes, feedings every two hours (that’s the downside of a baby that sleeps through the night–he still wants to eat the same amount in a 24-hour period, so that means feeding ever two hours during the day), and naps whenever he desires them. (Unless we are running errands and he conks out in his car seat, he requires that we hold him while he falls asleep, sometimes through a lot of tears.)
And when you have taken care of all his needs, he fusses because he wants to be entertained.
Sometimes he will lie under his play gym for 10 minute chunks, but when he rolls over onto his stomach and decides he has been there too long, he face-plants and wails until you roll him back over or pick him up. The funny thing is that he totally knows how to roll both ways, but he often chooses not to demonstrate said skills. Every once in a while, he has a really good day and is content for the majority of the time, and on those days, I feel like a million bucks. And while those days seem to be few and far between for our little guy, we still love him to pieces and are grateful to be his parents.
So now back to sleep training. What are your thoughts? I know there are a number of different “methods,” so I’m curious to hear what worked and what didn’t work for you. Our doctor has mentioned doing sleep training at around six months, but I know some parents start sooner or wait until later. Give me all the juicy details of your sleep training marathon!
My son was fussy a lot during the day too. After 1 month of fussiness someone suggested I take him to the chiropractor. I was sceptical @ first but it worked & he was a totally different baby. I continued to take him frequently for the first year of his life. As for getting to sleep I nursed him to sleep & didn’t have any trouble; guess I was lucky. Just enjoy every minute with your son as they grow so fast. My son is now a 22 year old young man. This post may bring about a ton of comments on the pros & cons of chiropractors so if you don’t post it for that reason I understand.
Thank you for sharing, Marilyn. Folks do have their own opinions on that topic, that’s for sure. Thanks for sharing yours. 🙂
I’ve not tried this for any of my 8 children, but I have a friend who swears by it – as does her chiropractor, who adjusts infants all the time. It may be worth a try!
I went to the chiropractor with my babies when they were fussy and yes it does work! My chiro even showed me how to check to see if their neck is out and if it is then you know why they’re fussy. When we left the hospital with one of my newborns we dropped by the office before we went home since she was fussy a little more than usual in the hospital and sure enough her little neck was out and after he pushed it in she stopped crying! I learned to always go to a chiropractor first with my children before a regular Dr because most of the time a simple adjustment took care of the problem and if it didn’t then I knew I could go on to a regular Dr. but most of the time I didn’t have to.
From experience, taking your baby to a chiropractor can be one of the BEST decisions ever.
It can also be a bad idea. My SIL was told by a chiro that her son’s ear infections were due to misalignment in his spine. No, try constant exposure to kid germs at daycare!
We loosely followed Babywise – feeding every 3 hrs mostly, tried to put them to sleep drowsy but awake (in a crib in their own room… I could not sleep at all cosleeping or room sharing!). Our first (boy) started sleeping through the night (til 5 am) at 2 months and then dropped that 5 am feeding, sleeping til 8, at 5 months. Our daughter started sleeping all the way through til 8 am at 2 months. She didn’t nap as much during the day as our first, though – he would take 2 2-3 hr naps plus 12 hrs at night. She dropped her morning nap at 7 months and all naps at 2.5. I feel you on the fussy all day thing though. Both were colicky the first 3+ months and then were just never content awake. They’re 8 and 6, almost 7, now!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. That’s encouraging and helpful! Sounds like Babywise is a popular book. I started it and am reading through it slowly but need to finish it.
Ellie
Babywise can be totally detrimental to your milk supply if you are hoping to breastfeed for a year (or more). Babies/moms just aren’t meant to feed on a strict 3 hour schedule. It’s not how God made our bodies.
We decided to sleep train at little more than 4 months. Our guy was on the small side so we kept a feed in before we went to bed around 11pm and then he would sleep through until 6am or so. He would then do a morning nap and afternoon nap in his crib. When we did sleep train we ditched the swaddles and pacifier at the same time. We let him cry and checked on him at set intervals. He actually got more angry when we checked on him. My husband was the strong one in this process as I wanted to snuggle him! We did the first night, but the struggle began again for the next day naps. We did it on a long weekend so we could both nap if need be. Within 2 days he was only fussing 10 min or less and falling asleep and staying asleep for bed and naps. No more endless rocking or waking up every 2 hours. It was well worth it for the happiness of everyone. We did the 2-3-4 wake times pattern. Depending on your baby’s age we did used this as an hour guide for naps. 2 hours from wake to first nap, 3 hours from first to second nap and 4 hours from last nap to bed. He could be fussy because he’s tired in the day. Lastly, the downside of sleep training is you need to be home for naps. My kiddo stopped napping on the go when we trained and really only likes sleeping in his crib so we were more limited with where we could go and what we could do in that three hour window between the two naps. All the best! You’re doing great.
Thank you for sharing the details of your sleep training, Elizabeth. Very helpful. 🙂 I think I’m going to have the same problem as you whenever we do start sleep training, wanting to pick him up and cuddle him.
Ellie
Way to go, Elizabeth! I got 2 of my babies to sleep through the night also at 1 month old! Both of them were exactly 1 month old when they did it, how could I get so lucky?!?! We had a week of some crying in the night like you experienced and I also wanted to run to her and cuddle her but my hubby was strong and showed me to persevere if we’re going to win the battle. So I let her be in her bed, made sure she didn’t have a dirty diaper or was hungry, and we got through about a week of crying then it was like a light switch happened. 6th night NO more crying and slept all night till late in the morning. ever to after forevermore did they never wake us up in the night again. 🙂 I thought 1 month was way to young to try this but because of our circumstances and how it was going with our baby we decided to just do it. You can be sure to know a 1 month old has a little will already when they can cry angrily at not getting their way! Anyway, this is proof that a 4 week old baby CAN sleep through the night if you’re consistent and can persevere. But don’t make the mistake at messing up (going to him/her) even one time as then it won’t work! Babies know when you’re not serious…anyway, I was a softie when it came to the pacifier, those I let them have till it looked bad to let them have it!
To anyone reading this, please do not let a 4 week old cry it out. That level of stress on a developing brain can cause serious or permanent changes to baby’s brain.
– A child mental health specialist
Agreed. I also think it’s dangerous because they’re so helpless at that age. They’re not able to fix problems in any way on their own. Terrible things can happen.
That is too young to sleep for an extended period without feeding.
After having 6 children, I can tell you that they are all different. You have to find out what works for you. But, my first was like yours. We were trapped, trying to make sure he didn’t wake up so we could put him to bed! A year or so later, I heard a preacher say, “if you aren’t training them, they’re training you.” It’s so true. You need to train him to fall asleep on his own- it will be a gift to him to have the ability, and not need you for it. It’s hard to hear them cry, but if you know that the baby is fed and has a dry diaper, it’s a selfish cry to get his way.
What worked for us was starting the day at the same time every morning (with the first feeding), then having naps at the same time everyday, too. He will come to expect them and know he’s supposed to sleep.
Sounds like you’re doing a good job- keep up the hard work! It really is a full time job when you’re nursing that much.
Thanks, Marie! I have also heard that quote, and it definitely rings true with many aspects of parenting. What age did you start letting them “cry it out” or did it vary greatly with each child? How early was the earliest that you started?
Ellie
With the first, it was probably around 7 or 8 months, and at night was the hardest. With the younger ones, we started the pattern at 2-4 weeks, and it was so much easier. Making yourself wake up for the first feeding after a rough night is the hardest, but it pays off to have the routine!
Marie, I’m sorry but a baby crying isn’t never “selfish”🙄 Babies frequently cry for you to comfort them because they don’t like to be alone, that’s not being selfish, that’s being a baby who is upset and wants it’s parent.
I totally disagree with Marie and that preacher. Crying is the only way a baby can communicate with you that something is troubling him or her. I’ve never known a baby to grow up “selfish” because a parent answered those cries. In fact, I think it’s “selfish” of the parent not to!
It sounds unbelievable, but I remember at 11 months old being put in a playpen and my mother walking away. We were at someone else’s house and I remember the time of year, so I know was less than a year old. Being left in that playpen and watching my mother walk away terrified me. I thought she was leaving me. I cried and carried on until she came back and picked me up. While I was crying, very grown-up thoughts were going through my head that I didn’t have words for. I remember being mad at being trapped in there and also being scared of abandonment. The fear was real and the need was real. Babies are capable of thoughts like that whether you realize it or not. Never ignore a cry.
My mother couldn’t believe that story when I told her as an adult. She couldn’t believe that I remembered that day. But I could tell her exactly what we were doing there and when it was. I could also tell her where my crib was in my bedroom, where my changing table was, and where she put my bouncy seat, including the colored wooden beads that were on the seat’s metal tray. I also remember pulling myself up in my crib one morning and wondering why nobody was coming in to get me. I could hear them in the kitchen. It was frustrating. Very lucid and mature thoughts for a child so small. If I’m capable of feeling and thinking those things, then other babies are, too. If they can’t talk, they have to cry. You don’t ignore an older child when they tell you something. Don’t ignore your baby, either.
Unfortunately, because of Adam, we all have a sin nature. I am all about loving the baby- he is a gift from God! But when you know all the needs are met, even snuggle time, it is good to lay the baby down awake, to let him learn to fall asleep on his own. Tip toeing around, trying to make sure everything is “just so” and not wake the baby can be Nerve wracking and exhausting. Both the mother and marriage can suffer from it.
And I don’t think the routine should be worked on in a strange place, but established at home, where the baby will become familiar with the routine.
As the parents, pray and ask God to give you the wisdom to do what is best and when for your child, and your marriage!
Developmentally it is simply not possible for a baby to be ‘selfish’ in any way! Their brain development and cognitive ability is just not that complex or sophisticated at that age. I find that idea very sad and disturbing to be honest 🙁
Bee
Sorry, but I am shocked about this comment – babies are NEVER selfish!!! And human beings, whether babies or more grown ups, can have more needs than just not being hungry and dry!! Babies have no other choice but cry to show their needs, and there is NO way to spoil a baby so young!
And leaving your baby crying for not spoiling it means to leave it alone and destroy its primal trust/ faith (sorry I am not mothertongue english)!!
Please don’t leave your baby alone!
I’m not the OP, but shockingly babies have displayed very strong wills at a very very young age. In my experience 3-4 weeks old in fact they can start their little willful acts. I know because mine did! If they can do THAT they ARE “developed” in the brain for “wanting their own way” then they CAN be trained to “develop” in the opposite way. It’s called training. What you don’t nip in the bud at a baby stage, society will have to pay for at a later date. They’ve never been trained to give in to authority and not have their own way all the time. (Growing into toddler and beyond-but that’s what I’m saying that it starts a lot earlier than you think! At the very beginning in fact!)
I can’t read all the comments, but as a child mental health specialist I can say with pretty firm belief that babies are not capable of being “selfish” or “manipulative”. They cry to get their needs met and teaching young babies that we are here to meet those needs is the basis of healthy attachment and mental health functioning into adulthood. Obviously parenting and boundaries and consequences begin to factor into the picture as a baby gets older, but withholding attention, love and nurturing should never be done with young children. We all know and respect the effects of PTSD on adults but as a society are seemingly unwilling to recognize them in babies and continue to withhold attention in that crucial first year “because it works”.
If encourage you to look up sleep sense and other methods of sleep training. What worked for my two girls was providing them any comfort they needed while in the crib, including picking them up, as long as I wasn’t rocking them to sleep. We all sleep well now, thankfully!
Hi Ellie. I love your blog and websites about the Duggars and Bates. I had my first baby in the fall of 2016, the 2nd Summer of 2018 and now our third will be here this summer. Needless to say I’ve learned a lot in a short period of time lol. I HIGHLY recommend getting the book or looking up the app, “Moms on Call.” It is amazing the schedule they use. I love schedules and planning and it helped so much. Both our babies slept through the night by 8 weeks and took great naps during the day. Our first son likes a routine more than the second. The second is easy going and still doesn’t take as long of naps as the first but he’s still on a schedule it’s just his modified version. I found their sleep advice and schedule to work amazingly well. First babies are hard because we don’t know what we are doing and it seems like it will last forever. I loved having a book telling me basically hour by hour what I should be doing! Hang in there, around 9-10 months of age it starts to get really fun and then a lot easier after they turn 1!
I’ll have to look into that book (I’m a little old fashioned…I prefer books over apps, LOL). Sounds like you have your hands full! Are you feeling well with your pregnancy?
Ellie
Yes! I prefer books too. It was written by two nurses who have several children between them. They use God’s word as a guidepost and put a verse after each chapter.
I’m feeling pretty good. I struggle with pregnant insomnia but other than that I can’t complain. It’s gone by so fast having the other two to take care of!
My first was a terrible sleeper, but a happy baby in general. The second has been far better at sleeping, but fussier during the day, though I have the help of big sister to entertain. Two are often easier than one because they entertain each other lots! I am not all into sleep training, though I do some, but what helped me lots this time around is the blog amotherfarfromhome.com She had five babies in five years and learned a lot that has helped me, especially about routines, how long a baby should be awake between naps etc. With my first I realize now I had no clue, and probably made things a lot worse because of it. Best wishes.
Thanks for the suggestion, Melinda! I have heard that a lot, that 2 is often easier than 1 for that reason. I’ll look forward to that. 🙂
Ellie
Happy Friday and Memorial Day weekend (- I think?) to you, Ellie, Mr H and Little Buddy. I love hearing about him. Our second was a very fussy baby. That was years ago and so I am going to leave this topic and sleep training to the young moms who have far more current knowledge, thoughts and experiences! I hope you get lots of suggestions. One thing struck me in your post when you said “you felt like a million bucks” when your little one had an unfussy day. I interpreted that as though you had anxieties about how you were doing as a mom re his fussiness. Relax into it as much as you can. You’ve got this Ellie! It is all good and you are doing great! Babies have personalities from day one. Enjoy your weekend. I am making the blueberry cobbler you posted the recipe for a few years ago. It has become a family favourite. Eileen
Thank you for the encouragement, Eileen! 🙂
I’m very happy to hear that your family likes the cobbler recipe! Yep, this is our Memorial Day weekend. How was your long weekend last weekend?
Ellie
I’m curious if you have ever read the book, Babywise? If you want good methods on how to sleep train your baby and also schedule farther apart feedings this is a wonderful book! I think it saved my sanity after having a third child only 22 months apart from my second. I also used it on my 4th child and it worked like a charm! Then almost four years later we were surprised with twins and some of the same methods were used. I used more the feed scheduling part at first(with the twins) and the sleep training around 6 – 8 months. Not everyone likes or agrees with this book and that’s ok! Just saying what was a lifesaver for me! I had very happy babies that slept and ate well!😊
Hi MomofTwins. It’s funny you mention that book. I’m actually reading it right now! I read the first half before he was born, and I’m slowly working through the second half. Haven’t gotten to the sleep training part, but it should be soon. I agree that it’s a wonderful book! The main principle of the newborn part of the book, which is to make sure baby eats a full amount at each feeding, has been a big factor in helping him sleep through the night.
Looking forward to reading the rest!
Ellie
What do you mean, eat a full amount at each feed? There is no “full amount” and doing anything other than feeding on demand inhibits milk production and makes breastfeeding harder.
I don’t agree… a routine is never bad for anyone, especially a baby. I also don’t have the impression that it hurts my supply. If you feed the baby every three hours, for example, the baby will normally take what he or she needs, knowing instinctively that it will need to last for the next three hours. Mine would even start being hungry at the right time – it all comes so naturally. For me it made my whole life so much easier. And Ellie, don’t be afraid to switch to a 3 hour or even a 3.5 or 4 hour schedule. He will get used to it and start taking more with each feeding. According to babywise he is at the point where he could be going that long between feedings as well as sleeping through the night. You don’t need to worry about him getting enough.
I don’t have much advise for sleep training, but for his day time fussiness, have you guys tried to wear him in a baby sling during the day? If he’ll stay in one happily they’re great since you can walk around and are still able to use your hands.
I have the Lille carrier and the Moby wrap. He never much cared for either when he was little and inward facing. Just a week or so ago, I started putting him in both front facing, since he is a big baby and fits them well, and he has enjoyed them, which has been great. We usually do that for 40 minute chunks a couple times a day. What is your favorite sling/carrier?
Ellie
The Solly Wrap and Ring Sling are the most comfortable IMO. I had a Moby Wrap originally but it wasn’t no my favorite lol I’ve never tried a Lille Carrier though.
I had a kitten once who LOVED a sling. He’d go in there and get cozy and I’d walk around the house doing stuff while he fell asleep. So there’s something primal about being cuddled. My kitten did not grow up to be selfish! Quite the opposite.
That’s adorable! 🙂
Just wanted to say that if he’s rolling now, it’s not safe to swaddle any more. Blankets in the crib aren’t safe either.
I wish we had taught my baby to fall asleep on his own. We always rocked him to sleep. He’s 15 months now, and we still have to rock him to sleep and he’s fighting sleep more and more as he gets older.
Oh please train him now! I know he’s older and he’ll display some rough nights and be angry but it’s never too late to get on top of things (before he gets to old and can make his own decisions which can be bad decisions because of the lack of training earlier in his life) The key is to be consistent, stay true to your word (don’t fudge just because he’s crying and crying), and don’t let him have his own way. You’ve somehow have got to get on top of this somehow as he gets older and older, he will work at training YOU which it does sound like he’s working at that very thing already. I don’t like telling people what to do but I do somehow want to encourage you to face the battle younger at age than older as it will just get harder and harder to get a will under control as they get older 🙂
Our babies sound totally different, but here is some
of my experience anyway since you asked. 🙂 My baby girl is 14 months and since she was really little I would put her in the bassinet/crib drowsy and she learned to put herself to sleep no problem. She just wouldn’t stay asleep! She would always wake up and cry after 15 minutes or so initially, but she wanted a cuddle then she would go back to sleep. I think that’s where each mom should do what they feel is right for their baby…I knew she just wanted a cuddle and didn’t need to “cry it out.” I didn’t feel that we were ready for any “training” til she was 9 months old. The No Cry Sleep Solution and No Cry Nap Solution books have alternative methods to try besides cry it out. The gentle removal technique I learned from that book was helpful.
After reading the book Bringing Up Bebe I’m going to try to get my second one (if I have one) to sleep earlier…I recognize I made mistakes but I have no regrets with my baby who is sleeping great now!
I 100% second the recommendation of the “no cry sleep solution”! So much kinder than the babywise or other cry it out methods! And starting earlier is better 🙂
You probably have a great idea, I’m not quite sure what you are meaning. I think your plan is good BECAUSE of shows I have seen on Nanny 911. In those the children grow so used to falling asleep in their parents bed sice they grow up there and that’s how they want things to stay always. There is LOTS of drama when they are then only being put to bed in their own bed. Imagine how disturbed they feel after all the comfort of sleeping in their parents bed since their birth!
One thing I know from my childhood is my parents room hardly entered my mind. I don’t remember ever being on my parents bed with both of them in it. I know it was a nice atmosphere in their room and was in there when just my mom was there a few times. I think parents now over do bedtime a bit. I don’t recall anything like you are writing about. When I babysat sometimes some of the children fooled around more than others and some were very well trained just to obediently go to bed making no big deal of it and no fooling around at all. Obviously as a babysitter its nice when the children are trained to quietly go to bed, rather than deliberately be full of pranks, giggles and games for a long time. But I understand children are not to be treated like a pain that should just go away! The old I think I need a pill attitude, that’s really quite self centered, but I don’t want to ostentatiously put up with all kinds of kid’s stuff, as a way to show the world I’m not being selfish, that is dumb! Bed time should be simple and calm and not take real long imho.
Don’t agree. I’ve always had my babies in our room in a co- sleeper right beside our bed. I’ve always gotten lot of sleep even with my babies. I could reach over in the night to get them, nursing while laying down, and most times fall right back asleep and return baby back to the sleeper after if I wanted.
When it came time to move the baby to their own room, it was always a gentle smooth transition. We make a big deal about their new bed, and maybe get them a new special stuffed toy. My husband sits by their beds until they fell asleep for a few nights, and it was all good after that. All of our children (who are older, we have two month old right now too) sleep just fine in their own beds, in their own rooms. They all started out co-sleeping with me as babies up until around two. Lots of things are over dramatic on TV. Shrug.
My former sister in law was so kind she would not move her arm because it would disturb the cat asleep beside her. So she suffered feeling kind of stiff for awhile. You’d this she was the essence of kindness and peace from behavior like that. Then a few years later she divorced my brother to marry a man who was already married and had kids and he had to divorce to marry her. What does that say to you about basic common sense and being really silly. The genuine security should be in your family’s structure. The child will be fine if your household is a secure place and will just think having his own safe, cosy, space to sleep in is normal. You do not have to fret about training him in falling asleep in his own room. The normalacy of that will give you a lot of ordinary , everyday peace and calm. But you should worry if you parents manage to strain and bend out of shape the overall decent order of the home. Because your child wants to learn to rely on as the just way he figures out things areis how they are really meant to be and the reliable context of his life. All children want is a basic good home, all the coddling in the world won’t really replace that if the parents act like crazy people.
what you say makes a ton of sense. Security is first.
Just about the time you get this figured out, they go through a growth spurt and change. Don’t worry – once they get to be teenagers, they’ll sleep through the night and you’ll have the opposite problem. You won’t be able to get them up. But they’ll still fuss about going down and will want that bedtime feeding, like ordering a pizza.
LOL! That made me laugh 🙂
SO TRUE!!!! LOL
Lol, this is what got me through those sleepless nights! I didn’t sleep train at all and am shocked at some of these suggestions or opinions. I just went with baby’s flow. I won’t lie, I was jealous when I heard other little ones were sleeping 12 hours at night but I figured if baby was crying, they needed something. I think if you’re going to wake up every time baby cries, you may as well feed them, change their diaper, or cuddle them if that’s what they want. Unfortunately all babies are different so some advice doesn’t always work. I wish you and little buddy the best Ellie!
I’d suggest the free app “Huckleberry”. there are paid portions of the app but no need to use those. It gives you a sweet spot of when to put your little guy down for naps and bedtime. Getting that timing is really helpful in allowing them to fall asleep.
Thanks for the suggestion! 🙂
It’s so true that timing naps properly really helps! Tired babies are not very good at falling asleep!
Your description of your son reminds me a lot of my second child, who was a very sensitive, higher needs baby. She had a hard time getting comfortable (eczema and other skin stuff that we worked through) and was pretty particular. I reminded myself a lot that when I responded to her with compassion and love (which you are doing!) I was helping her feel safe in the world. I don’t think a baby his age is trying to get his way as much as he’s experiencing displeasure: it’s new, he doesn’t like it, and he wants you to know about it because he already trusts your love and ability to help. Of course, as his mom you’re able to see the greater good of adequate naps as opposed to constant interaction.
I bet you are right around the corner from better days. As soon as she was able to sit up my daughter was able to entertain herself more. I know so many babies whose nap patterns hit their stride around 7 or 8 months. Our sensitive baby is a really lovey toddler, and our prayer is that she’ll grow to use her sensitivity to be sensitive to the needs of others. I think it will be a strength for her.
In the meantime, are you getting a break during the day? Do you have MOPS or a Bible study group with childcare? Library story time? Friends who also stay home with infants?
I don’t have any sleep training advice, but with my first daughter we consulted a pediatric sleep clinic. It sounds extreme but we had a couple of interesting circumstances at the time. We had a phone consultation with a nurse who developed a plan just for us. Our insurance covered it. Just thought I’d throw that out there if it might help someone.
Thanks, Micha! I have started attending a play group, which has been fun. And when my husband is home, he is very good about taking the baby so I can have a break, especially in the evenings.
At bedtime, I just put my children in their crib. I never rocked them at bedtime or before naps…..my own mother had told me her stories of how she rocked me as a child and I would never go to sleep so I didn’t want to try that. Occasionally, I would use the pacifier up to around 3 months of age. I found that sometimes they might cry for 5-10 minutes but then they would calm down and go to sleep; many times there would be no crying. Used same procedure at naptimes.
Thanks for sharing, Cathy. I never did get around to buying a rocker, although I was going to. Maybe that was a good thing!
I’ll start by talking about my mother and what she went through. She had 13 kids. I’m 8th. We were all breast-fed, and on solids at 2 months (well, I know that’s not recommended now, but it was then). I know she used to tell me, and I remember some of it with the last 2 brothers. They slept beside her in a little bassinet until 6 weeks. They were fed at night twice, once at 10 p.m. and once at 2 a.m. Then they weren’t allowed to feed until 6, and most of us slept that long. At 6 weeks, the ‘baby’ was moved to the little kids room (so he was not alone), and no feedings from 10 p.m to 6 a.m. Our father enforced it, and my mother never got up because he wouldn’t ‘let’ her. It took them about 3 or 4 days to get into the routine. Then they had 2 naps a day, 2 hours each, first one from 9 to 11, second one from 2-4, bedtime at 6, feeding at 10, and then nothing until 6 a.m. At 15 months, down to one nap a day, no longer than 2.5 hours, right after lunch. Naps were dropped at just before age 3, and then they were enforced one hour of quiet time, where all the kids under 5 were in mom’s room, where SHE had a nap…we could read, play floor games, but not leave the room until she got up.
Then I had my own kids. I just had 2 boys (grown now), 2 years apart (1986 and 88). I breast-fed exclusively for 4 months, introduced solids then (made my own) as was current practice. Breast fed until a year. The first 3 months went great, baby slept like my mother said hers did, but I didn’t enforce the no getting up between 10 and 6….and now I wish I had!! By 8 months, I was getting up every 2 hours, and taking 45 minutes of rocking to get him back to sleep. I called my mother in desperation. She said ‘cry it out the old fashioned way’ and I decided to do it. My husband was deployed, and I was doing it alone….and I did. Otherwise, I would have perished from exhaustion, and the baby was tired all the time from his nightly entertainment schedule. It took THREE nights, and by the third, he slept from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. without fail (unless he was sick) from then on. I did the same schedule of napping in the daytime my mother did, and the quiet time. My second son slept 10 hours a night from the day he came home, so he was never an issue. I asked the doctor if I should wake him to feed. She weighed him at his 2 week checkup and he’d gained TWO LBS since birth. She said ‘they’re sleeping, eating when awake, they’re growing.’ She was jealous. Her kids never slept she said.
Anyway, moral of the story is you know your child better than anyone, and not to be too affected by any particular ‘system’; care for him as you will, and don’t be too quick to coddle him if he’s just getting accustomed to your presence to help him fall asleep. I’m a firm believer in no sleep aids (rocking, pacifiers, quiet) to ‘help’ them go to sleep. Babies learn to self-soothe very quickly, but if you always help them, they figure you will always do it. I don’t agree with people who say that babies can’t get spoiled–I think they can get accustomed to you doing their sleep work for them, after the age of about 2-3 months. Before that, they go on instinct and trust. You’re doing great. Your little guy is growing, you love him to pieces and you are a natural mother. Breastfeeding is always challenging (it was for me too) and very few people get it right away.
Thank you for sharing that, Margaret. Very helpful, indeed! Since your mom survived 13 kids, she must have been doing something right. LOL. And thank you so much for the encouragement. Breastfeeding has been a challenge, but I’m determined to make it to a year (if my body lets me, that is).
Loved your story Margaret! I’m an little older mom but I was a firm believer of working with my babies like your mother did with only the exception of having them in my room. Our room was so small that I couldn’t fit a baby bed in it so we had it outside our door in our little hallway. That worked so much better for me anyway as I’m a light sleeper and I simply wouldn’t been able to go to sleep with all the sounds a baby puts out sleeping. They make a lot of noises! So I could control that with how open I wanted our room door to be. Anyway yes my babies got used to going to sleep without rocking, stories/entertainment etc. And I had a wonderful time as they slept through the night and it didn’t matter where they were, on a trip etc. they slept! I also agree that babies can get spoiled and will train their parent to how they want to go to sleep and all what they want to do. Old fashioned training is the best effective way!
Check out Taking Cara Babies. She is wonderful. Her instagram is positive and makes you feel like a great parent regardless. Sounds like little guy needs some scheduling tweaks to get happier awake times.
Thanks for the suggestion! I will check her out.
There is so much that could be said but I’m just going to say that if you don’t already you should go follow “takingCarababies” on instagram. She posts tons of information but also offers courses (100% worth the cost, especially for a first time mama). I really really really believe that when it comes to sleep training (and parenting in general), love coupled with vast knowledge and support will bring success.
This! She has helped me so much and not just with sleep training. Her positivity has shaped my outlook on parenting and I’m so much happier.
You sound like you are doing a grand job Ellie!
I’ve got 4 children, and a few things I would suggest…
Be wary of reading too many books and apps. I found it helpful to find one baby book that I liked and resonated with my parenting style and then I stuck with that. Otherwise it can be easy to end up trying so many different/conflicting things that all of you can get confused!
I always followed a rough daily routine, with feeds/meals at more or less set times. Bedtime was at the same time and we always followed the same routine: washed/bathed, clean babygro/pyjamas and last feed. Then into the cot (sleepy but not asleep) in a dark room with the same nursery rhymes tape playing and a muslin cloth to cuddle once old enough to be safe. If you always use the same music for naps and bedtime it becomes a sort of Pavlovian response, the same with the muslin to cuddle as the baby associates these things with sleeping. It doesn’t have to be nursery rhymes…my third ended up falling asleep to Hot Chocolate’s Greatest Hits as one night her nusery rhyme tape broke and that was the nearest cassette to hand lol lol
Last of all, I found with my first that the biggest help was relaxing into the baby’s life rather than trying to make the baby fit into mine, if that makes sense? And an interesting thought about language: do we ‘train’ or do we ‘teach’?
Bee x
Honestly, talk to your mother and mother-in-law. They’ve raised multiple babies and will help you more than any book, app, Instagram account, or strangers. Too much advice only will confuse you and make the situation worse. The previous commentators did much better when they talked/listened to mom (or MIL) rather than everything else.
This is your third article about how fussy your baby is. You say you love him, and I do believe you, but still. You sound so disappointed.. I have had several miscarriages, lost a total of nine babies. i think you are acting a bit spoiled. I hope you turn to christ for help.
Jay why do you always feel the need to leave such negative comments? Some babies are very fussy, and taking to people about it is helpful. I think you’re acting a bit rude. I hope you turn to Christ for help.
I think Ellie is just asking for help to have a smoother transition into bedtime. All new moms need help.
My thoughts to you regarding the 9 miscarriages. My sister has also had 9 miscarriages and I think each one was definitely harder than the previous. May you find peace in your losses that you will one day meet in heaven.
I don’t think that Ellie was saying her problem of having a fussy first baby was any worse than at other woman’s problems of any kind, including yours. Multiple miscarriages are hard. Being a first time mom with a fussy baby is hard. By the way, I’ve experienced both a fussy first baby and multiple miscarriages. As women we need to just be there for each other through whatever is hard since we all know what it feels like to experience hard things. Making comparisons of whose problems are worse really gets us nowhere.
I find all these positive comments about sleep training a bit shocking. I know it’s more prevalent in America (as a consequence, I think, of so many women having to go back to work after about 6 weeks of maternity leave). Genuinely, I think the idea of leaving a teeny tiny infant to cry is barbaric. They are not manipulative/ training you. They don’t have that cognitive ability. They are crying because they are on their own and their little primal brains are worried about predators. We know that ignoring babies teaches them to stop screaming (they’re not stupid) but it doesn’t make them better sleepers. They just lie still knowing that no matter how scared they are MUMMY IS NOT COMING. I have three children and I am there for them. If they need me in the night, I will snuggle (the 6 and 3 year old) or feed (the 1 year old). I also work as a lawyer, so I don’t buy it when people say they had to sleep train because they couldn’t cope. My baby wakes up 2-3 times every night and my three year old at least once. But I am fine. I go to bed early and I focus my energy where it’s needed. Sleep training is lazy-it is reneging on your responsibilities to your baby. As a mother, you should commit to loving them and surrounding them with your love. Letting them scream is an act of cruelty. They all learn to sleep eventually but babies who are neglected at night (which is what cry it out amounts to) learn that you don’t need to respond to another human being in pain with kindness. And that is not the sort of human I want to raise.
I know it can be hard- particularly with your first baby. I know that sometimes an hour felt like a week… being alone with a fussy baby is very draining. But it does get easier. As soon a little buddy can crawl, he’ll be easier to entertain. And day time naps usually sort themselves out from about 9 months. As for bedtime/ the night, from the age of 18months/ two, you can start to reason with them. And you can explain “I need to make dinner/ clean up, so I can’t stay up here with you all night”. Honestly, time passes so quickly. Don’t take the short cut- it’s the path of regret. A crying baby needs a cuddle. It should not be ignored.
If god wanted babies to sleep alone through the night, he’d have designed them differently.
Ps I’m sorry you’re struggling with breastfeeding. Have you got adequate support?
I actually agree with you, I live in America and the number of women who let their babies “cry it out” (which I just think is just a less offensive way of saying letting your baby scream until they fall asleep from exhaustion) is really shocking. I say this as someone who has experience with babies who are in the foster system who have experienced trauma, and letting your baby “cry it out” (especially before at LEAST 6 months of age) can be damaging and can create attachment issues. There have been so many studies done that are not in favor of the cry it out method. I know far too many people who have said that they let their babies cry it out to the point that they vomit (and act like that’s perfectly normal) and that to me is cruelty. I understand that the first few months of your baby’s life are HARD and no one should pretend like they’re not, but that’s not the baby’s fault. When you have a baby you have to put their needs first, and even though it can seem like forever at times, it gets easier before you know it. Hang in there mama.
I once met a cry it out mama who described her baby as “naughty” when she cried so much she was sick. It made me so sad…
Language is very powerful: words express our thoughts, but can also shape our thoughts and responses too. I worry about the use of the word ‘train’ instead of ‘teach’ or ‘show’. I never felt I wanted to ‘train’ my babies and children. It worries me *very* much with regard to things like blanket training and other methods popular with some fundamental Christian groups in the US 🙁
Bee x
(I’m very sorry for my poor english!)
Hi Ellie,
Being a mom for the first time can be exhausting, I can definitly relate to you. Our daughter is over 2,5 years old now and I’m pregnant with our second child (due half july). I found the first year or year and a half especially difficult sometimes. When I look back I think that was because you can’t really communicate (at least, you’re not getting response in words) and the child needs to be carried all the time. When they start walking and talking life gets much easier. I am however looking forward to the babytime of our second child. Enjoy it as much as you can, because it is such a special time!
That being said, I must say I agree with ‘MarriedUK’ that I’m a little shocked to read all the commends about sleep training. I live in The Netherlands and methods like I read here, I thought were only used until 40 years ago… Being a social and educational carer (also called social worker, a bachelor degree) I’ve always learned that children up to 6 -12 months old should not be left alone crying because it can cause the child to develope a form of anxious attachment. When an infant is left alone crying, he will stop crying at some point, not because he leared that he should not be so “selfish”, but because he leared that no one will help hem, so crying is no use. The stress level in the body of the infant however will remain very high!
When you think that you and mr. H. should change the bedtime routine for your son, and you want to ‘train’ of teach little Buddy in some sort of way to sleep better, I would suggest the Controlled Timed Crying Technique by the British supernanny Jo Frost (http://www.jofrost.com/controlled-timed-crying-technique-ctct/). Personally, when I would think a sleeping technique would be good for my baby, I would start with it aroud 6-9 months or maybe even 12 months. I think yougher children just need your presence when they are crying.
I also wanted to react to someone mantioning that all people have sinned in Adam. Being a orthodox reformed christian, I totaly agree with that. But it definitly doesn’t mean that babies can be selfish or spoild. You simply can not spoil a infant. Teaching a child discipline starts aroud the age of 1,5 or 2,5.
One other thing; I know every country has there own safety recommendations, but I would not recomment swaddle a 4 or 5 months old baby. At this age I think a baby sleeping bag is the most safe and easy option for your child.
At least, Ellie, be sure of what you do and how you parent your child. You know little Buddy the best, you know what comforts him, what upsets him, you are the expert regarding your son. Parenting doesn’t require all sorts of techniques, most important is to give your child unconditional love. Be a reflection (in all lack) of how the Father loves and cares for His children. Parenting isn’t easy, a child doesn’t make your life easier (at all!), but you get so much in return.
With love form The Netherlands,
Sanne
Thanks for your comment, Sanne. Your English is very good! And congratulations on your pregnancy. Praying for a safe delivery.
Ellie
Amen, amen amen MarriedUK! I have eight children, I never could understand when parents said they got no sleep. I have a crib right next to our bed and have alway co-slept with all my babies, nursing them to sleep and then sometimes putting them in a Moses basket (in the crib beside me where I can reach without getting out of bed) or just keeping them beside me all night. Babies need their Mommies! God gave us these instincts and yes, many people have done it (let their babies cry in distress), but that doesn’t make it right. Please look up studies that have been done on this method. Babies don’t cry because they are “selfish” or “wanting to get their way” they just need their Mommy to hold and comfort them, they don’t have the ability to think like that. I speak with experience. All of our children sleep just fine after we transitioned them to their own beds. I feel very passionate about this topic. I understand everyone here commenting are loving parents so I would not say it’s “cruel” to let their babies “cry it out”, but I believe it’s against nature, and against the way God created us as mothers to do that to our babies.
I agree with everything you have said. I don’t think I said people were cruel, I said leaving a baby to cry was an act of cruelty. But, you’re right, I’m being unnecessarily strident. I find it such a sad, and unnecessary, thing to do. Children get there in their own time! And having a baby in the bed or just next to it makes it easy to do night feeds.
And you’re right- cry it out is against nature. All these people saying their husband had to be “strong” because all they wanted to do was cuddle the baby… hmmm, if your instincts tell you not to do something…
And, children do grow up and stop wanting to snuggle at night. My six year almost never disturbs me (it’s only when he’s poorly and he is very polite and apologetic if he does…) For any mama worried about long term “bad” habits – don’t worry!
Hmmm very modern child training described here…they say the old ways (the old paths) work much better in the long run…would be curious to see how the children of both sets of thinking turn out in 20 years. Which set would society be thankful for?
The old ways include co-sleeping. The concept of cry it out, time feeding and putting babies into schedules is an invention of the late 19th century.
The old ways meant co-sleeping, nursing on demand, not weaning until the child was past toddler stage… the strict, cruel, regimented ways are from western 19th and 20th century ideas…
From the time my first son was born I would nurse him to sleep then lay him in his bassinet/crib. During the day he slept decently well but then come the night he woke every hour to hour and a half to nurse. By the time he turned 4 mo old he was getting harder to put to sleep- it would take longer and more effort on my part. My sister who had 4 kids at the time (now 7) told me to let him ‘cry it out’ and how all that works. I tried it twice and only the second time he put himself to sleep. Then I started looking more into it and talking w my husband more about it and we agreed ultimately that it just wasn’t for us and it’s something we weren’t going to do. I co-slept with him for a few years and even when my second son arrived when he was 17 mo I was still co sleeping 🙈 in fact my newborn slept way better and slept in the bassinet most of the night lol (until the 4 mo regression 👀). Fast forward another 17 mo and I had my third son, terrible sleeper, and I found myself co sleeping w #2 and #3 at that point 🙈🙈 …. But, I slept! And we all slept! My oldest is now 4 and sleeps in his own bed and my 2 1/2 y o now sleeps in their room too. It takes work no matter when you choose to do it, but my husband and I just couldn’t leave little babies to cry like that- it wasn’t for us. My sister had success with cry it out and her babies were sleeping at an earlier age. I’ve always had trouble sleeping even before I got married so we just did what ultimately got me and babies the best sleep. The transition to their rooms wasn’t any more difficult than walking out on a 6+ mo old baby crying. It’s just a matter of when you want to put in the work. I do not believe baby will be spoiled and ruined forever cuz we chose to co sleep or spend time rocking them- these are the only days we get with them so little and they are gone in a blink.
Cry it out hasn’t even always been around, for decades people found ways to make it work other ways. I’m just not a believer that the baby HAS to learn or never will. I know my story isn’t how it would go for everyone but I also know cry it out wasn’t for me 🙂 truly, you’re doing a great job with your baby and I have to say he’s absolutely adorable! Baby 4 is due in fall and seeing your little guy makes me kinda want another boy 🙈🙈🙈
Best of luck in what you choose to do!
Whatever you decide to do, only you know what is best for you and your son. I just want to share an advice my sons’ first pediatrician gave me when my first was a few months old. My boys are 9 and 6 now, and I find it still applies to so many things. The Dr told me this: “Whatever you are worried about with your child, add it to the end of this sentence:
‘I’ve never seen someone go to college or get married who . . .'”
-Doesn’t go to sleep without being rocked.
-Uses a bottle
-Uses a pacifier
-Is not potty trained
Etc.
I have found that helps me to put things in perspective while I’m figuring out how to proceed.
Hang in there and good luck! You’re doing a great job, Ellie!
We used the EASY method with our boys. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. That routine was perfect, because rather than eating in order to fall asleep, they ate when they awakened. Sleep training is definitely hard and different for each baby, but rest assured you’ll do what’s best for your son.
Danielle Busby from Outdaughtered used this method, too! Eat, play, sleep. It makes sense because the baby has to get tired so that he/she sleeps!
I disagree with people who say babies are manipulative, infants just don’t think that way developmentally, so if my daughter cried I held her, that said the best thing we have done is sticking to a time and routine, we do milk, books, rock and sing then bed, she knows what to expect. The only times she does not sleep through the night is if she is sick or gassy.
We have two sons, who are now in their twenties. When the first one was born we started the following routine when he was about one month.
– Put away toys (from play-pen and room)
– wash/shower and brush teeth
– nightwear on
– read a story, sing and pray
– lights out and sleep
When they woke up & cried because they needed to drink or a diaper change (when they were babies) we would go their room and feed/change them with minimal light and talking very soft we would put them back to bed. Occasionally they would wake for no apparent reason, we would go and check and comfort them for a little while and then again leave them to fall asleep on their own.
For our boys this worked well.
For daytime naps we used a similar routine to indicate it was napping time.
And we learned that waiting too long before napping time or bed-time was not easy for them and us.
When they started crawling/walking we used the playpen quite a bit. It was their safe place. And allowed us to cook or work in the house without having to worry about stepping on a child.
But the most important thing is that you have to find what works for you and your baby.
The design of the house bedrooms, i.e. floor plan lay out, could help with the baby care at sleep time. My friend lived in a bungalow and off of the living room was the hall where the bathroom ad three bedrooms were. Going down the hall, first on the right was the bathroom door. Second down the hall on the right was the master bedroom door. I the bathroom there was a door to the master bedroom also, so the parents could access the bathroom from their bedroom not from the hall. Going back and starting down the hall way again on the left side were two bedrooms. The door for the bedroom right across the hall from the door for the master bedroom was lined up, so when both were open it created one open space. So wow, the parents could be in their room in their bed with their door open and right across the hall the baby’s door could be open and the baby could be in it’s crib in it’s own room and lined up sdo the parents could see it from their bed! As the baby grew all the parents had to do was close the doors to achieve each sleeping in their own room alone. Then when the next baby came the first baby could be moved into that other room up the hall on the left side across from the bathroom and it would be convenient for potty training then. How cool was all of that?!
Wow, this is such a controversial issue, but it really doesn’t have to be! The babywise book, for instance, only has one chapter about crying it out. I am totally a babywise mom, and I pretty much just did a partial or occasional cry it out with only the first out of my four kids. That is NOT the most important aspect of the book or even of sleep training! I believe that a routine is the most important, as well as doing an eat, wake, sleep pattern. I did my own version of sleep training. With the oldest who I started late (about 6 months), I had her stay in her bed and didn’t pick her up or feed her but I comforted her in any other way I wanted – singing, stroking, talking, whatever. It only took about 3 days and she slept!!! The next one I started out with babywise scheduling from the beginning but I did a gradual “stepping away” method where I would leave him in the bed but again use my hands and my voice to soothe him. Later just one or the other and graduating from there till I was out of the room. Worked great! I hardly remember having any crying problems with him honestly. The next one had reflux and was more difficult, so I did more comforting, but still did the scheduling! I recommend babywisemom.com. She has so many articles about almost any issue you can think of. With her last 2 kids she also did a gentler method of sleep training while still using babywise, from the Baby Whisperer. It sounds like you’re doing great with the sleeping through the night, but it might be that he’s fussy because he doesn’t have enough time to get full naps between the feedings. Don’t be discouraged, it’ll get easier!!
I think since he sleeps through the night, just keep doing what you’re doing. If he wakes too early let him fuss a few min before going in. At bedtime, maybe transition out of falling asleep with the tv noise to a white noise machine and rocking in a dark room. You can always put him down when drowsy but awake. But, again, if he’s sleeping through the night, then you are ahead of the game. For the fussy days, five months is a crazy fussy age in my experience. For one of my kids, it was when he was most colicky. You could try adjusting your diet. But if he sleeps through the night, he probably doesn’t have allergies. Keep up the every two hour feedings. I think that’s helping him sleep well. They change so fast, it’s crazy how much I stress about that they just outgrow. You’re doing great.
My little girl is 9 month old and I just put her in the crib and she goes right to sleep. I don’t rocker her at all. I don’t breastfeed her either I give her formula. She might fuss but she goes right back to sleep. She sleeps in her own room not in with us. My doctor told me not to put the baby in are room with us .
I don’t know what it is about breast milk or maybe it is that babies just don’t get enough but just about every breastfed baby I have known is fussy. I couldn’t breast feed so I had to give formula and I never had any fussy babies. I think formula is thicker and fills their little tummies up way better than breast milk. Just from my experience! So ya, you probably had a easier time with your baby, A!
Ellie: This has nothung to do with this question.
But you never finish tell us when little Buddy was born. The date,
There are a lot of opinions, but ultimately it’s what works best for you and your son. I have six children and I have coslept with all of them. They sleep great with me.
I have nursed until the next baby is born which is between 1 1/2- 2 years old. At that time I also move the child to their own bed. But I keep them in my room. It takes a few days, but they do just fine. 5 of my children sleep in their own beds and the baby sleeps in my bed. All of them besides my 1 year old and baby sleep in their own room.
I personally don’t think there’s a right and wrong answer to this question. I think it’ll be different for every family.
I choose to co-sleep because it works for us. It won’t work for everyone. My children aren’t spoiled because I haven’t let them ‘cry it out’. They are doing just fine and the oldest is 8.
I’ve had babies that didn’t fuss at all. My second son had to be walked around at night because he was really fussy. But we survived and he’s 7 now. Some things won’t really matter in the long run.
Opinions are good but they are just opinions. I think each parent knows what works best for their family. And no one should be shamed because they don’t follow what someone else thinks is best.
You know your son best, and you will figure out what works best. And it won’t be the same for each child, and that’s ok.
Hi Ellie,
You’ve had so much input that you probably don’t need more, but just in case it helps…my baby was very content and happy at that age, until sleepy time. Then, she fussed and cried and we had to walk miles around the house to settle her in to sleep. Just before she hit six months and we were just exhausted from the many hours of getting her to sleep, we changed it up a bit. We set a very definite routine. I didn’t have a rocking chair, so I’d feed and change her, and then sit on the edge of the bed and snuggle her so close- but NOT giver her pacifier, which she loved. I’d rock gently and sing two songs – never more. In the beginning, I always sang the same to hymns to her, so they’d become familiar as sleepy routines. I would then put her immediately to bed and pat her tummy for a few minutes to let her know I was there, and give her a pacifier. She was usually so happy to get her paci at sleepy time that it would keep her occupied until she fell asleep. Occasionally, in the beginning, she would begin to cry after a few minutes. I just can’t let them “cry it out”, so I’d go back, replace her paci and pat her tummy, and walk out once she calmed. If she was really upset, I’d even pick her up for a quick snuggle until she quieted and then put her back down immediately. It took about two weeks, and they were hard- but restricting her pacifier to sleepy time (and during church), and always using the exact same routine helped a lot. Within just a few weeks, she was SO good about naptime, and I could count on laying her down, tucking in that little paci, and having a sleeping baby in ten minutes, unless she was super over-tired. Hope it smooths out for you soon! 🙂
Saving the pacifier for sleeping and church is something I haven’t heard, but it honestly sounds like a really good idea. I might try that, although I might add car rides to that list, too. 🙂
Ellie
Yes! Car rides were tough for us! Truly, deciding paci was for ONLY certain times made things so much easier. It made fussy times during the day a little more challenging to get through, but then when we really needed her quiet, it worked so well to calm her.
Hey Ellie, I’ve heard people say “sleep training”, but am not familiar with what exactly it is. I am a mom of 8 kids 11 and under, expecting #9 the beginning of July, so I’ve definitely had my share of baby issues! Your fussy baby sounds tired. The fact that he sleeps that long at night unattended is great, I haven’t had many do that, but I’m great full that u realize that because he does sleep that long, he requires that every 2 hrs to keep him gaining properly. I suggest that you start having consistent nap times for him, ie: say he wakes at 7am (feed him), at 9am feed and put him down till his next feeding at 11am, then he has a wake time till next feeding at 1pm, putting him back down till his 3pm feeding. He may even need one more short nap(1hr), but’s may not….. the biggest hurdle parents face is that they are actually the problem, once a parent decides the baby generally follows without much struggle (2-3 wks at most)! I hope u figure it out soon, your life will only get harder otherwise. I recommend “becoming babywise”, they have great inside on baby sleeping, BUT think they are VERY OFF on how often a baby should eat!
I Ferberized my first because he was so fussy at bedtime, and it worked in two nights. I think because you’re going back in and checking on them in intervals, they realize you’re still there. You can always try music or something to distract them a bit, too 🙂 We also used sleep sacks to mimic the swaddle feel in a safer way.
As far as the fussiness is concerned, does he spit up a lot? Have you had him checked for reflux? Both of my babies had it, and it made my first extra fussy and restless. My second went from the easiest baby ever to fussy around six weeks and we figured out he had reflux and a cow’s milk protein sensitivity. I chose to give up breastfeeding (I tried to give up dairy but it was just too much to manage in our household in the end), but once he was on new formula and reflux meds, he was the best baby. I actually used to nurse him to sleep most nights, but even once that ended he was a great sleeper who went down awake without a fuss. Every baby is different and you just have to try different things until you find what works for you.
LOLing at the term “ferberized.” Very clever. 😉 We have a friend with a similar story. They discovered that their son was lactose intolerant at about a month old and put him on formula. Our little guy used to spit up more, but it was never excessive. A lot less now, with his nice. I still do the swaddle with one arm out because he loves it, but we will transition to a sleep sack in the coming months.
Ellie
How many of you can be plunked down in bed and fall asleep immediately? I’ll bet most of you have to watch TV or read a book or use your phone or do something for awhile til you’re sleepy. I don’t know why you’d put a baby down in a crib without giving some sort of help with transitioning them off to sleep. Would you like to have a great big cry in bed alone until you fell asleep every night? No. It would make you mad or frustrated, especially if nobody came to see what was going on or why you were upset.
Our daughter is five and a half, but right around the five month mark we were introduced to Dr. Marc Weissbluth and his book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It was nothing short of live changing for for my husband and I and our daughter. I can’t urge people enough to read it. It’s a manual that we still have on our shelf and refer to now and then as it reports research and data on appropriate sleep all the way through 18 years of age. Although it’s an in depth look at healthy sleep for each age group, it also gives summaries at the end of each chapter titled, “For Sleep Deprived Parents” in case you need quick help in the middle of tough times.
We wanted data, facts, research, not just the passing, “kid’s will sleep when they’re tired” and we got real answers in Dr. Weissbluth’s book. There are right and wrong ranges of bedtimes for each age group. There are right and wrong ranges of duration of sleep. He will teach you how to watch your child for signs of tiredness, before they become over tired and can’t calm themselves down enough to get healthy sleep.
That was a big eye opener for us: there is sleep and there is healthy sleep. Not all sleep is created equal. Just because a child is asleep in the middle of a noisy, crowded room does not mean (according to real research) that they getting quality or healthy sleep. We wouldn’t feed our kids junk food and expect them to grow up healthy (although they will continue to eat and grow) and we can’t give our kids junk sleep and expect them to grow healthy (although they will still continue to sleep and grow). I hope that makes sense and I hope that it helps.
Oh Ellie, your head will be spinning by the time you are finished reading these comments! I knew from the topic that you would get responses from two different camps. But that is neither here nor there.
I became a mom to a beautiful baby girl in December 2018. I was actually excited that you and I would be entering motherhood around the same time! I too have struggled to breastfeed, but after A LOT of work, I’m happy to report it is working out for us. If you ever want to to talk/email, I’d be happy to tell you about our journey.
It became clear to me that my daughter was fighting naps early on. For better or worse, she entered this world *super* alert (she actually made eye contact with the doctors who delivered her) and that alertness has really kept her awake! Ugh, it has been tough. So around the 4-month mark she seemed to be hitting the proverbial “regression” but I think that they start picking up on patterns too (oh mom comes to me when I do this). One evening, after several rough nights, I rocked her to sleep, performed the backwards ninja walk, sat down to relax and 2 minutes later she started crying. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was physically and emotionally drained.
So I used the book The Sleep Easy Solution. I followed it to a T and I’m happy to report it does work. The first couple of nights were brutal. And the only thing that got me through them was my conviction that she needed the sleep learning and I couldn’t keep up what I was doing.
Now that I said all that, day time sleep is the death of me! So I appreciate how incredibly challenging it is for you as well. If we have too many visitors or if she has too many appointments, her daytime sleep learning suffers. So I’m keeping at it, hoping that in the next month or so things get better (she is 5 months now). Again, if you would like my contact info I’d be happy to be in touch. We could go through this together just bouncing ideas off each other. Best of luck and thank you for the blogs!
Hi Diana,
Congratulations on your baby girl! I would love to communicate via email. 🙂 Sounds like you’re in a similar situation. I’ve recently come to accept the fact that if my little guy is going to sleep well at night, he isn’t always going to sleep well during the day. Sometimes he does, but often he just takes a few short naps. I can’t complain, though, since he does sleep so well at night, but I do agree that the days can be tough!
Ellie
I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. There are many great suggestions, but it tends to be trial and error with getting children to sleep well. My oldest had horrible tummy issues and over time we figured out only soy formula worked for her. My youngest would just sleep with no issues. When they did get to 5 or 6 ish months then soft foods helped so much with sleeping through the night. Lots of play with soft toys, books, a walker anything to stimulate their bodies and brains. My kiddos always seemed to be tuckered enough to sleep well. Wishing you the best of luck in your parenting journey! You will keep doing beautifully.
I had twin boys on New Years Day, so they are close in age to your little guy! Because of the challenges of having two babies, my husband and I tried to be very consistent from the day we came home from the hospital –
– the boys have always been put down awake, in their room, each in their own crib. We never hold, rock, or walk them until they fall asleep.
– If they fuss, we will go back in a few times to give them back their pacifier, and that usually does the trick.
– Lately, now that they are bigger – if they fuss, I give them 5-10 minutes to fuss before I go back in the room. This helps them learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep.
…they are formula fed, and eat every three hours during the day. Lately at night, they sleep for a 7-hour stretch, get up and eat, and then go back down for another 4 hours or so. Pretty good!
…All that being said, I know there are SO many ways to approach sleep training, and probably lots of methods work – but from what I’ve learned, with any approach, CONSISTENCY is the most important thing!
Good luck!
Sounds like you are handling things very well, Megan! And your boys sound like pretty good little guys. 🙂 Are they your first babies, or do you have other kids?
These are our first (and last) babies! Haha!
I’m in the same boat right now. My baby had silent acid reflux though, so she was held and slept in our arms. Now I nurse her to sleep then place her in a DockATot next to me, so co-sleeping. It’s normal for babies to nurse every two hours. Even though it feels like I’m always breastfeeding I know it’s best for her. I recommend checking out your local library for baby sleep books & find a way you like. I hate the cry it out method! There are gentlier ways. Others have said “Taking Cara Babies” program is great! She has a website and classes. https://takingcarababies.com